Hopeless
by linamallette
Summary: This is a collection of outtakes from Hope and Forgotten Hope.
1. Glimpse of Nick's Past

**Author's note: Hello everyone. So we decided we would let you guys take a look into outtakes we are written. Every so often we'll add new ones into this story section so you guys can read them and learn more about the characters and their pasts. **

**This was called Hopeless because many of the outtakes are when characters are stuck in Hopeless times. For example, before Alice came around, before Alice left, or before Katie died. Stuff like that. We hope you all enjoy them. **

**This first one is a glimpse into Nick Graham's past. This was at the time where Jasper and Nick were in the gang. **

"Nicky, you in tonight, or what?" Greg asked on the other end of the phone.

I rolled off of my bed and stubbed out my cigarette in an ashtray on the night table. I wasn't _really_ a smoker... usually only when I was drunk... but right now, I was just bored.

"'Course I'm in. Just gimme a sec to get over there. You know how the car's been lately," I told him, going over to my closet to pull out a long sleeved t-shirt to wear under the gang jacket. It was gonna be freakin cold out there. My bedroom windows were already starting to frost in the corners.

"Well hurry the fuck up, man. Chains and knives and whatever, but no guns tonight. We're all waitin' on you," Greg said bluntly before the line clicked off.

"Maybe call me a little sooner than five minutes before you're ready to go then, asshole," I grumbled to myself, shrugging the jacket on.

Whatever. He could wait, and if he didn't, then I'd miss out on a fight. Not like it'd be the last fight... there were always fights.

But I was really in the mood for a fight tonight.

I grabbed the knife that Jasper and I had bought together a few years ago, when we had first joined Greg's gang. I slipped it into my pocket, where I could easily grab it if needed, and then left my bedroom, closing the old, wooden door shut behind me.

I walked down the hall, past a few old bedrooms that I had been in maybe once before, when I had first moved in with my grandpa. I think one of them used to be my dad's room, when he was my age and still living here. The other was my aunt's, when she was young. But she had moved away a long time ago and no one had ever heard from her again.

I think my dad might've said once, when I was really young, that he had heard that she died.... My parents might have left me with my grandpa... or the babysitter?... when they had traveled out of state to go to her funeral? But that memory was fuzzy... it might not have actually even happened.

Why we were in such a big house was beyond me. It was just me and Gramps, and he spent all of his time in a chair in front of the T.V. or asleep in his room. I guess he got up sometimes to go to the bathroom or whatever, but I honestly never saw him move from his chair unless I was the one moving him.

I went downstairs and into the kitchen and quickly warmed up one of those T.V. dinners from the freezer in the microwave. While it cooked, I grabbed my keys from the kitchen table and poured a glass of milk.

A few minutes later, the dinner was ready. I grabbed it out, snatched a fork and spoon from the drawer, and went into the living room with the dinner in one hand and the milk in the other.

"Here, Grandpa. It still might be kind of hot. I'm heading out for the night... I'll probably see you in the morning, kay?" I told him, setting the dinner and glass of milk on a tray in front of him.

Grandpa was not a man of many words. He had used to be cheerful... sort of like Santa, I guess... before he suddenly didn't want to see us anymore. Dad had said that he was sick, but that was a while ago... if he had been _really_ sick, wouldn't he have been...well... gone by now?

I shrugged the thought off, though. He was still here, so what did it matter? When I had moved in with him, he wasn't the same as he had been when I was younger. But then, neither was I. Somehow, it worked.

Grandpa grunted to acknowledge that he heard me, and I patted his hand before I left the room.

I went outside, started my car, and rolled down my window to let my lungs get used to having icicles in them. We'd be fighting outside. It'd be better to be cold and numb already, then to have it sneak up on me mid-fight.

_"One time I trusted a stranger 'cause I heard his sweet song. And it was gently enticing me though there was something wrong...."_ I hit the radio as the speakers cracked. You'd think that with all the money and connections Greg had, he'd at least be able to get me a car that wasn't falling apart.

I drove, listening to the speakers buzz out the song as I neared Greg's meeting spot.

_"I hear the thunder come rumbling, the light never looked so dim. I see the junction get nearer and danger's in the wind and either road's looking grim...."_

"There he is! There's Nicky! We thought you were ditching us, man!" One of the guys yelled over to me.

Yeah, well, it was either go fight with them to feel alive, or stay at home with Grandpa, where I could pretty much feel Death creeping into both of us. Like the radio had said, _either road's looking grim...._

It sort of freaked me out, being able to feel him--Death. At least during the fights, if Death came close, it was out of nowhere. No one felt him first. It was a quick stab from a knife and he was there shockingly fast, waiting to pounce on whatever soul still had a blade in him or whatever. But when I was at home with Grandpa, I could always feel him. He was just waiting... and I never knew if it was for me or for Grandpa. I didn't like that feeling.

"C'mon Nick, we're walking. It's not far," Greg told me as I turned off my car and started walking over to where the group had gathered.

I nodded and followed as we started. He hadn't been kidding when he said they were just waiting on me.

"How's it going, man?" Jasper asked me as we walked. I noticed his bottom lip was busted. Fucking Steve....

"It's going," I shrugged, kicking a rock as we walked.

We got there. We fought. And as usual, it was all a blur.

I remember how it started. We had met with the other gang. This was something that had been planned. And I wondered briefly why I never bothered to find out what we were fighting over. Territory? Money? Drugs?

I decided I never knew why we were fighting because I never _cared_ why we were fighting. I was told to, so I did. And I felt good about it. I felt good when I knocked someone out, made someone back down... 'cause then Greg would make sure we were rewarded for it later.

My favorite was protecting someone, though. Like when one of our guys was down and about to be hurt real bad and I came in and beat the shit out of whoever was about to hurt one of ours. That felt the best.

Today, I guess I had gone through all of it. I had apparently knocked someone out, probably more than once, because blood stained my knuckles. And then at one point, somehow, Jasper had managed to get himself into a position that wasn't looking too good for him. He was being held on the ground by some guy who had his hands around Jasper's neck, choking him. So I had gone in with my knife and sliced the guy's arm so he'd let go.

Now, we were back at the cabin, cleaning up, and getting ready to celebrate. We had won.

I grimaced as Jasper wrapped my arm in gauze after disinfecting the wound. The guy who I had gotten off of Jasper hadn't been too happy with me.

"Thanks for helping me, by the way," Jasper said, his voice low as he fixed the gauze tightly.

I shrugged, "You would've done the same for me."

Jasper smiled, if you could call it a smile. It was the closest he got to one, anyway. "Sure would."

We both had other minor cuts and bruises, but nothing that needed serious attention. After he wrapped my arm, we headed into the other room where the party part of the night was getting started.

This was routine. We fought, cleaned up, and then drank and smoked the night away with any girls that Greg had been talking to recently. Usually, he managed to get a good amount to come party with us. He had been eyeing some of the "good" ones recently, but I think that was just because he was bored and wanted a challenge. The "good" ones... or at least, the _real_ good ones... they never came.

"Nick! Jasper!" Greg called to us over the loud, pulsing music that filled the house. A few girls were around him now. We joined them.

"Ladies, this is Nick and this is Jasper. They're probably the best you're gonna get tonight..." he joked, throwing me a beer.

They giggled, beers in hand, already half wasted as they eyed us, taking us in. They were all in skirts and tank tops, despite the fact that it was winter. The one had long, straight black hair fell to her chest and the other two girls looked almost like twins, but they weren't. They both had flowing blonde hair and too-straight white teeth. None of them looked like they belonged with us.

"I've seen you girls around... you don't seem the type to be hanging out with us, you know...." Jasper called them out on it as he cracked open a Coke can. I chugged my first beer and grabbed another off of the counter.

"Just because we're straight-A good girls doesn't mean we don't like to have a little fun sometimes," the one with the black hair said, sipping her beer.

"Who's having fun?" Jasper said, his tone serious. The girls laughed, thinking he was joking. Idiots.

So Greg had succeeded in getting some of the good girls to come. Something new.

"Where's Katie tonight?" one of the blondes asked the other blonde.

The girl shrugged. "You know her. This isn't her thing, especially with Mack around. She wouldn't have come."

"Good. More fun for us," the black haired girl said again, opening another beer and giving me a look. I knew that look.

I chugged the rest of my second beer and grabbed another one, taking a large gulp of it. Jasper glared at me and I looked away from him. I knew he hated to see me getting drunk, but after the fight, I just needed to. Nothing felt better after fighting then just sitting down and taming the adrenaline rush with a beer or two. Or more.

The black haired girl came closer to me. "Wanna show me around?" she asked, leaning in so close that I could smell her hair.

Greg winked at me as the two blondes hung off of his every word. I shrugged, the buzz from drinking two beers so fast starting to hit me a little.

"Sure. Just give me a sec?"

She nodded and I finished the third beer and grabbed another.

"You sure you don't even want to give it a try, Jasper? Not everyone gets mean when they drink, you know? Sometimes it's relaxing...." I told him as quietly as I could over the music, so that the others wouldn't hear.

The alcohol settling in to my blood so rapidly helped me ignore the look of betrayal in Jasper's eyes.

"I don't need that shit to relax, Nick. I'd be a mean drunk and I know it," he told me sharply.

"I just..." the buzz from already drinking three beers in like, seven minutes, was starting to cloud my mind. I squinted. "I just want to you to, you know, have fun. Or something."

"I don't know what _fun_ is, Nick. But since you do, go have it. I'll be around," Jasper told me.

I gave him a defeated look, but left him alone. I knew he wouldn't drink, so I didn't know why I tried. I'd regret trying to peer pressure him into it the next morning, when I was thinking straight. I knew it.

The girl with the black hair grabbed two beers--"For later," she said-- and we walked through the small cabin, me giving her a "tour."

When we came to the end of the hall, my head was spinning and my thoughts were fogging. She pointed at a door. "What's in there?"

I set my empty beer down outside of the door and grabbed my fifth off of her. "Bedroom."

"Can I see?" she asked, coming closer to me and looking up into my eyes.

"Sure," I told her, opening the door, already knowing what was going to happen.

We slipped into the dark room, lit only by the moonlight coming in through the window. We could still here the music pulsating in here, but we were far enough from the living room that we couldn't hear the words to the song.

She sat on the bed with her beer.

"You know, Nick, I've seen you before. Around school, when you go... I've always thought you were kinda hot."

I stumbled over to the bed, beer spilling onto my hand.

"Oh yeah?" I whispered, laying down on the bed and watching the ceiling spin. I tried to drink my beer again, laying down, and most of it spilled onto my shirt.

The girl giggled and took my beer out of my hand. "Let me help you."

She pulled me up so that I was sitting again, which didn't feel like a good idea to me. I wanted to be laying down.

She helped me down the rest of my beer, which made my head rush even more, and then her fingers crept to the bottom of my shirt.

My lips felt numb.

"You spilled beer on you. You don't wanna sleep in a wet shirt, do you?" she asked, pulling it off.

"I g-guess not," I said, letting myself fall back on the bed.

She giggled and her wrist tilted, spilling beer onto her shirt too.

My heart was pounding along to the beat of the music. I could feel it in my chest, in my ears, at my throat.

"Well, neither do I," she said, pulling off her shirt as she straddled me.

_This is so messed up, Nick.._. a voice in the back of my head barely whispered.

I braced myself against the bed sheets and squeezed my eyes shut, concentrating on the spinning and the music as her hands moved across my chest.

"What..." I started.

"Shh. Let's just have fun. We don't have to talk about it ever again after. But tonight... let's have a good time...." she whispered, her breath blowing over my lips before she kissed me.

Fun. Was this fun? Or was I more like Jasper than I had thought?

She pressed herself against me, laying on top of me, and I gave in and kissed her back.

"You... your name. Wh-what's your name?" I stumbled over my words.

"Serena," she grinned, biting at my ear, my neck....

I let her do what she wanted, looking for something--anything--that I could pretend was love.

* * *

I washed my face in the bathroom and got ready to go make breakfast for Grandpa and me. Last night had been insane.

I remembered bits and pieces...

--doing shit with that girl... Serena...--  
--stumbling to the kitchen for more beer after--  
--being on the bathroom floor, my head in the toilet--  
--Jasper coming in and helping me get cleaned up--  
--Jasper walking back with me, holding me up the whole way to where I had parked my car--  
--Him driving me home and getting me inside...--

Yeah, I owed Jasper. I'd go pick him up for school this morning. Definitely.

I grabbed some medicine from the cabinet, gulped down a few pills for my hangover-headache, and then downed the glass of water. I set my glass on the sink and stared at myself in the mirror for a moment, seeing the bruised cut on my eyebrow and the hickeys on my neck. Perfect.

I shook my head and went downstairs to make breakfast. It was six in the morning... I had probably only slept for a few hours, but that was okay. I'd catch up during class. The teachers didn't care what we, as the gang, did, as long we weren't disturbing them or their class.

I made pancakes for breakfast--partly because it was the only thing I really knew how to make and partly because it was the best hangover food ever. Plus, Grandpa always smiled when I made pancakes and after last night, I was in the mood to see someone being happy, even if it was only a little bit.

By seven, I took them in to him and placed them on the tray in front of his chair. He was asleep.

"Grandpa. I made you pancakes. I gotta get to school, but they're pretty much perfect," I said a little louder than usual. He didn't budge.

"_Grandpa._" I reached to shake his shoulder. Still nothing.

"C'mon Gramps," I just want to see you smile over them. Just wake up already.

I grabbed his hand and flinched back. He was cold. Ice cold. No living person should feel that cold.

I gulped and took a step back, staring at him. He couldn't be...

No.

_No._

I needed a mirror. Something. I had to check.

I wasn't thinking straight. I ran to the bathroom and punched the mirror, the glass shattering around the sink, parts of it catching on my skin before falling to the floor. I didn't feel a thing.

I grabbed one of the shards of broken mirror and ran back into the living room, putting the shard under his nose to check for fog.

Nothing.

He was gone.

Death wasn't waiting anymore.

I didn't know what to do. My hands were shaking, my right arm was bleeding. My left was still wrapped in gauze, so it had missed getting hurt by the mirror.

"J-Jasper," I choked into my phone after somehow managing to dial his number.

"What is it, Nick? You coming to pick me up today?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Jasper, he's gone. He died. I don't ... what do I do? What do I do, Jazz? I made pancakes..."

"What? Nick, slow down. Who's gone?"

I didn't say anything, I just watched, wide eyed, as the streaks of blood rolled down my arm.

Hold it together, Nick. Jasper will help you.

"Your Grandpa?" Jasper asked suddenly, putting the pieces together.

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"Nick, I'm on my way over, okay? Just... stay there." His voice was urgent.

Life blurred again.

Jasper came, called 911 for help. He sat with me, cleaned up the blood from my arm, swept up the broken mirror, put the pancakes in the fridge. I didn't want them anymore, anyway.

I was under eighteen, so there was a bunch of legal shit we had to deal with...

Apparently, there had been funds set aside to bury him and all that. His lawyer took care of all of it. The funeral was barely a funeral at all, but I went.

Days passed.

Weeks passed.

They wanted to put me in foster care while they figured out what to do with me, but Greg had his parents set it up so that they'd take me in while the judge was deciding what would happen to me.

Grandpa's lawyer talked to me, suggested that I tried to emancipate myself, since I had been taking care of myself and my grandpa for years anyway, and that's what ended up happening. From what I understood, I could live in the house that my grandpa had, live off of the funds that my parents had left for me after they had died, and then I'd have a social worker come by and monitor my situation from time to time.

It was pretty much like I was going to be living like an adult before I was an adult. Nothing new.

Jasper stuck by me through everything. He helped me move through the days and weeks... I really didn't feel or understand anything during that time. It was like I was in shock, but I didn't know why. Gramps and I had never really gotten close....

I missed a few fights. I was too out of it to be able to go and not get myself hurt. As a result, Greg came by my place one night, after shit had been settled for a little while. He brought a bottle and some smokes and told me to mourn and then let it go. Then he left. And I did.

Somehow, Jasper ended up coming over that night. He said I had called him, but I didn't remember doing it. He sat with me as I drank.

"I don't know why I'm even feeling like this, you know? I mean, the guy didn't even talk to me. He was just sort of there...." I explained drunkenly to Jasper. We sat on the floor in my bedroom.

"Maybe you felt like you guys sort of related to each other... I mean, you didn't talk, he didn't talk, and you just coexisted together...." Jasper tried to reason.

I shrugged and took another swig. Jasper's fist clenched.

"You don't have to do this to yourself, Nick. It's not gonna help," Jasper told me.

"It's helping already," I defended, drinking more, feeling like my head was clearing.

"No, it's not. You just think it is 'cause it's helping you feel something. It's gonna hurt so much worse tomorrow...." Jasper tried.

I was close to finishing the bottle and I held it tightly, staring at it.

"I think... that maybe.... Maybe it's so bad... because he was the only family left. The only family I had left. You know?" I tried to reason. "I was alone before, b-but I had somebody around. I took care of him... l-like... I had a purpose. T-To take care of my family. And now I don't have anybody. No family. Reallyyyy... alone."

"You're not alone, Nick. Give me the bottle."

I stared at him. "You don't drink."

"Give me the fucking bottle, Nick. I'm not gonna watch you go down this road. You're not gonna turn into someone who needs this shit to get through the day. You have to let yourself feel it." He reached and grabbed the bottle from me.

Everything felt so surreal. I growled and lunged at him, trying to grab the bottle back. I wanted it and he had taken it.

"I don't w-want to let myself f-feel it," I said roughly, my fists swinging as I stumbled, catching him across the face.

We both fell to the floor, the bottle smashing.

"What the fuck, Nick? This is what I'm talking about, man. Drinking doesn't always relax you. Look at yourself!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Do you_ feel_ relaxed? Do you feel calm? You're fucking pissed!"

I took deep breaths, trying to get myself under control, trying to prove him wrong. But I couldn't.

The deep breaths soon turned into sobs and I gave up and cried. I _cried_. I never cried....

Jasper stayed with me through the night. He made sure that I didn't die when I was sicker than I ever had been all throughout that night. And then he was there the next morning when I woke up feeling like shit.

"Go ahead," I grumbled, grabbing a box of cereal. "Tell me you told me so."

Jasper sat at the kitchen table. "Well, I did tell you so."

I nodded. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna start drinking my problems away all the time. I learned. I'm over it."

I sat at the table with my cereal and he stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nick, I don't... I don't want to see you like that again," Jasper said slowly.

"You won't. I'm done," I told him. "I'm moving away from it. Going back to how I was... I'll be at the next fight... it'll all be fine."

If I kept telling myself that, I'd believe it.

"Nick... you said last night that your family was gone. But... well... I think of you as my brother. So... you're not alone, you know?"

I stared at Jasper for a long moment, taking his words in.

I had a brother....

If anyone was my brother, it was Jasper.

I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Thanks, Jasper. That... that's what I need. A brother. You're definitely my brother," I told him.

He nodded and got up.

"You up for a fight today? Greg called earlier."

I took a breath and nodded. I had my brother and I had myself. And that's all I needed.

I had to get back into my life.

* * *

**Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed that. It was actually written by my amazing beta, Lucy Alyce, so show more love and leave a review! **


	2. Chloe's Secret

**Author's Note: This is a Chloe outtake. It takes place between the chapter's 17 & 18, I believe. This is after Chloe leaves Nick to go to work in the 17th chapter, which is the chapter after Jasper leaves for Forks. This is what all happened up to the time Nick went to her apartment and she said she was 'sick'. Hope you enjoy it! **

_Chloe's POV..._

Work was slow since the minute I walked in this morning.

Aurelia and I were the only two working the whole day shift. She was the sweetest old lady, about my grandmother's age, only nicer. Aurelia had noticed my mood the minute I walked in to where she stood at the cash register.

"Morning, Aurelia," I said softly as I walked behind the desk with her. I reached down to pick up the list of the latest shipments to see what books still needed to be stacked.

"Good morning. You feeling okay today, dear?"

Her wise, old eyes looked over me, taking in my long, messy, braided pigtails with bobby pins galore, plus the light make up that was just what was left over on my face from the night before.

I hadn't planned to stay with Nick overnight, so I hadn't brought anything with me to Jasper's apartment. Result: quick hair and make up, same jeans as yesterday, and the first shirt I could grab when I stopped in at my apartment for five minutes this morning on my way to work. I had just enough time to grab the shirt, change into it, grab my stuff for my night class, and then leave again for work.

"I'm okay. Just a little tired. I was in a hurry this morning," I explained with a smile. She had started working at the book store with me a few months after I had started, and ever since, she had become the official Grandma on staff. I adored her.

She patted my cheek with her soft, wrinkled hand. "Don't overwork yourself, sweetie. You're young. I hate to see you so worn out at your age."

I shot her a grateful smile before getting ready to stack the new shipment of books. "No worries, Aurelia."

She was perceptive, I'd give her that. She had always picked up on when I pulled an all-nighter studying, or when I had had a bad night because Bryce would call incredibly late to check to make sure I was home, safe in bed.

Speaking of Bryce...

I grabbed the first box that needed stacked and retreated to the shelves. After disappearing to the furthest corner, I slid my phone out of my pocket, hidden in the book shelves. We weren't supposed to check our phones at work, but no one was in the store yet, and it had been off since last night.

Last night... wow. I had never seen Nick so down. He was almost like an entirely different person. I could only catch glimpses of the guy who had bumped into me a few weeks ago and knocked me off of my feet-- literally and metaphorically.

Nick was gorgeous, but what really attracted me to him was his determination and genuinely caring demeanor. He was so set on making sure I was happy, making sure he was doing what was right by me, making sure he was treating me okay, making sure I felt like I was special... I had never met a guy like him before. He had no idea. He just made me feel so much... lighter. Like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I didn't have to try to hard to please him... he just seemed to love the fact that I was _there_. And even though I could feel myself slipping into some of my old "Bryce" habits sometimes, Nick never judged me for my shyness or my uncertainty. He actually did the opposite and tried to assure me that whatever I was doing was right...

He didn't talk a lot last night, though. It was as if he was afraid of opening up to me... I was guessing that he was afraid that I'd leave him. Especially after Jasper had headed out and told him that he wasn't coming back.

My heart broke for Nick when he told me that. I had been catching hints of some of that pain when he'd let his eyes slip a little. A few times, the sheer velocity of the pain I saw in his eyes scared me. It made me just want to hold him and make it all better...

But I could only do so much. And I could only help what he'd let me see. So... the best I could do for him last night was try to make him realize that Jasper would come back and then stay with him through the night in case he needed me.

But I digress.

I reluctantly pushed thoughts of Nick away for a second and turned on my phone, bracing myself for the texts and voice messages that were bound to be there as a consequence of me ignoring my phone last night.

I _had_ to ignore him last night, though. Nick had needed me so much more than Bryce...

Oh, yeah. I was right. Eight new text messages. Ten missed calls. Three new voice mails.

I checked the texts first.

One. 11:38pm: 

_what r u doing... u didnt answer?-b_

Two. 12:38am: 

_ok, its been a while, theres no way showering or dinner takes this long. y didnt u call back?-b_

Three. 12:48am: 

_i know ur not ignoring me...-b_

Four. 1:00am: 

_what r u doing? u said u'd be up doing hw for a while. y's ur phone off?-b_

Five. 1:03am:

_u knew id be calling. u better not be ignoring me chloe, i swear...-b_

Six. 1:35am:

_wtf chloe? u know i hate not being able to get a hold of u...-b_

Seven. 1:59am:

_fucking pissed that im still up waiting for u 2 call back. ur keeping me from sleep...-b_

Eight. 2:03am: 

_going to bed. im not happy. i better hear from u asap 2mrw.-b_

I sighed and bit my lip as I sunk to the floor. I pressed "1" to listen to my voice mails, bracing myself again.

Message One at 11:37pm:

"Chloe, just tried calling you, you didn't answer. What are you up to? Call me back. Love you, baby."

Message Two at 12:54am:

"Okay, seriously, what are you doing? I know you're not out, you have to work early tomorrow. You'd _better_ not be out this late. Nothing good happens on the streets of New York after midnight, Chloe. I know you know that... call me back."

Message Three at 2:00am:

"I don't what the fuck happened, but I expect to hear from you asap tomorrow. You'd better have a good reason for not answering me, Chloe, I swear to God. I know we're not 'technically' together, but it's only because of school. I still care about you and you need me, so I expect to talk to you everyday. It highly upsets me when you ignore me like this, and it's not a nice thing to do. I'm just trying to look out for you. I don't understand why you're treating me like I don't matter anymore. It's rude, Chloe, and it's a really unacceptable thing to do to someone who just has your best interests in mind. Think about that."

I flipped my phone shut in anger and squeezed my eyes closed, breathing deeply. I hated when he swore at me. Bryce only swore when he was _really_ mad...

I opened my phone again to call him back, but a shadow suddenly loomed over me.

Looking up cautiously, I saw Marcy, the manager, standing there.

"Chloe, I'm surprised. You never break the phone rule..." she said, giving me a look.

I swallowed hard and slid my phone into my pocket.

"I-I'm sorry, Marcy. I... there was a family emergency. I just got a text about it," I lied. Now Bryce had me lying to my manager along with Nick.

_You're not lying to Nick. You're just... omitting. Nick never asked you if you had a boyfriend, and even if he did, you _don't_. Bryce isn't technically your boyfriend right now._

"Do you need to step outside and take a call, then?" Marcy asked me, her features softening at what I told her.

"Um... yes, please. If you wouldn't mind. I'll only be a second, I promise," I told her.

She looked over me and then nodded. "Take the call, and then if you need to leave, leave. But if you're staying, put the phone away."

"I won't need to leave. I'm sorry. I'll be quick," I said, hurrying to the front.

I went outside and pressed a number to dial Bryce's speed dial and called his phone. After three rings, it went to his voice mail, so I left a quick message.

"Bryce, it's Chloe. I'm so sorry for all the hassle I caused you last night. I fell asleep doing homework and my cell shut off because the battery was low. Which was my fault. I should've made sure it was charged. There's no good excuse to why I missed your call last night. It's my fault... it could've been prevented. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'll... try to call you on my lunch break around one, okay? Bye..." I whispered the last word and hung up.

I took a deep breath of the crisp air, but it just made me cough. It tasted like traffic.

As I slipped back inside, I slid my phone into my pocket again, just in case he decided to call back. Then, I started working.

---

It was twelve fifty in the afternoon. I'd grab lunch down the street in ten minutes, but right now I was writing.

It had just sort of happened. The store had not been busy at all today, so I had grabbed a notebook from my backpack and just started writing to see what I could get.

I was deeply involved in writing about Nick. I had started wondering, via poetry, what kind of stories his scars could tell. Now I was writing about the pain that I had seen in his eyes...

The bell above the door rang and I straightened up quickly. "Hi, can I help...Nick!"

Well, speak of the devil. The grin spread across my face without me having to tell it to. Nick was here!

"Hey, Chloe." He smiled warmly at me. I liked that smile. His eyes didn't match it yet, but they came close.

"What are you doing here? You don't read..." I teased, coming out from behind the desk to hug him.

He held me close to him, hugging me tenderly, almost desperately.

"I read..." he pretended to be offended, "...sometimes."

"If you say so," I said lightly. I was just so happy to see him....

He tugged lightly on one of my braids. "You look adorable. I've never seen you wear your hair like this. It fits you," he complimented, leaning in to kiss my forehead.

"Thanks. I did it on the way over," I said, feeling my face get warm at his compliment.

"You doing paperwork or something?" he asked, looking past me to see my notebook on the desk.

I blushed more and grabbed it, closing the notebook.

"Not exactly..."

"What were you writing?" he asked curiously, "homework? I didn't keep you from doing it last night, did I...?" His face suddenly turned guilty.

"Oh! No... no. I was... well..." What do you have to lose, Chloe? "I was writing about you... actually...."

"Me?" he looked shocked, but then excited. "Can I read it?"

"Mmm..." I wanted to let him, but I was very self conscious about my writing... and it was about _him_... nothing would be more nerve-wracking. What if he didn't like it?

"...when it's finished?" I stalled, finally.

He held out his pinky suspiciously. "Pinky promise?"

I grinned and curled my pinky around his. "Pinky promise." Well, now I'd have to work and make it perfect.

"Chloe, you're taking lunch at--oh--well, who's this gentleman?" Aurelia came out from the back with a gentle smile on her face.

I took Nick's hand and he squeezed mine as I brought him over to Aurelia.

"Aurelia, this is Nick. My...boyfriend," I introduced them, suddenly shy again. I couldn't help but wonder what she'd think of him. Not that it mattered... I'd like him no matter what she thought....

Nick let go of my hand to shake hers gently. "It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," he said politely. Nicely done.

"I assure you, the pleasure is all mine," she answered, winking at me. She liked him. How could someone not?

"I was going to ask Chloe if she wanted to go to lunch. Would you like to join us, or have us bring something back for you?" Nick offered her. He never failed to impress me.

Aurelia waved her hand at him. "You kids go on your lunch. Have fun. I'll see Chloe when her lunch break's over... and I'll cover for you if you're a little late," she promised, her eyes shining.

I blushed as Nick took my hand. "Thanks," I whispered to her as he led me out of the door.

---

Seeing Nick sort of cheered me up a bit. He still wasn't back to how I was used to seeing him, but he was trying, I could tell. And he looked a lot better when he was leaving.

I was supposed to be off at four, but I worked until five because Marcy needed some paper work done and she said I had better handwriting than Aurelia. I thought that was impossible, because I had seen Aurelia's handwriting, and it was flawless. But I stayed because she asked me to.

After work, I didn't have time to go back to my apartment again. Luckily, I was slightly ahead in this class, so I had already finished my homework for it and had grabbed everything I needed when I was at my apartment for five minutes this morning.

I raced over to the building that class was in, grabbed a bottle of water from one of the soda machines, and got settled in class right as it was starting at five thirty.

Five thirty until seven fifteen, and then I was done for the day. Finally. But I was used to the fast pace-- it's my life.

I walked home through the busy streets of the city, keeping my eyes open, but not worrying about muggers or anything. There were still a lot of people out and the sun was just starting to think about setting, so it was light enough to feel secure.

I made it to my apartment and headed to the elevator. I rode up to my floor, exited the elevator, and started thinking about giving Nick a call to see how the rest of his day had went.

The lock of the door clicked and I pushed it open and turned around to lock the dead bolt behind me.

When I turned around, I breathed out with surprise and pressed my back against the door, eyes wide.

"Did I scare you?" he asked. I'd know the voice anywhere, but my mind was taking a minute to get over the shock of seeing him here.

"Bryce..." I managed to gasp out with the last of the air that was in my lungs. _Why_ was he here? Why?

My thoughts were racing. Bryce couldn't be here. He couldn't _be_ here. What if Nick saw him? Especially now? Oh, God, that would break him...

Bryce smirked and started to come closer. "When you didn't get back to me, I got worried. I only had one class today, so I decided to skip it and come pay you a visit," he explained.

He looked exactly the same. His short hair was gelled into the same preppy style. Two eyes. Grinning mouth. Average. Muscles, but not muscular. No where near Nick...

Now that I knew Nick, Bryce didn't even compare.

"H-How did you...?"

"Get in?" he finished, now standing in front of me. "Your parents gave me a key when you first moved in, remember?"

I could only nod, still speechless. I didn't want him here...

I didn't want him here. That was the first time I had ever let myself think that. What was wrong with me? He might be mad, but it was _Bryce_. It should feel normal to have him here...

He reached forward and tugged at one of my braids. "You look a mess. Did you really go out like this today?" he asked disapprovingly.

I looked down, not sure how to answer. I didn't want to make him angry...

He sighed and pulled the hair ties from the braids and then ran his fingers through them so that my hair fell loosely to my shoulders.

"I like the pins, though. They're holding your bangs out of your face so I can actually see your eyes," he said, tilting my chin up with his finger so he could look at me.

"Not enough make up to cover the circles under your eyes, though. I guess that means you've been working hard, but you've still got to keep up with your appearance, Chloe. What would your parents say?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

His smile was sickly sweet. "Just like you're sorry you didn't get back to me last night?"

I nodded. "I left you a voice mail message--"

"--I know," he cut me off, "I got it as I was leaving to come down here."

I was trying to keep my breathing under control as he ran his fingers through the waves that the braids had left in my hair.

"So did you miss me?" he asked, brushing his fingers across my cheek.

"Of course," I said, my voice low. Lie. Even if I wanted him here, he didn't give me _time_ to miss him. I talked to him on the phone every single day...

He smirked. "Of course."

I swallowed hard and tried to think clearly.

"H-how long are you, uh, staying?" I managed to get out.

"Just until tomorrow, unfortunately. I have a class tomorrow night that I have to attend," he explained.

Good. Only one night. I could get through one night....

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Probably Nick. Mini panic attack. Don't let Bryce notice...

I nodded, "Did you eat yet?"

"Nope. Figured you'd probably offer me something..." he said with a smile.

"What would you like?" I asked, trying to stop my hands from shaking. I hadn't been this nervous around him in a while....

"You know what I like. I want to eat by 8:30. Figured I'd take a quick nap before dinner. You'll wake me when it's ready."

"Yes. I can do that... I'll wake you just before 8:30," I told him obediently. Just go to sleep already...

He leaned forward and kissed my cheek and I mentally winced.

"See you soon."

And then he retreated to my bedroom.

I slid down the door, breathing heavily, trying not to freak out.

As long as he didn't kiss me, I wasn't cheating on Nick. I'd insist on sleeping in a different room tonight, because it wasn't proper to share the bed with him and he _knew _that. He _had_ to be okay with it....

I raced to the kitchen and started cooking, making this special type of chicken that I knew he enjoyed. I'd throw together a salad to go with it....

After about a half an hour, around eight, there was a knock at my door.

Crap.

Oh, God.

Crap.

Nick?

He had texted me...

I pulled my phone out and looked at the text from earlier.

_Hey sweetie. How was class? Dinner tonight?_

Not good not good not good....

I sprinted silently to the door, praying that Bryce wouldn't wake up.

I cracked it open and peeked out to see him. Nick. God, how I wanted to be with him right now instead of Bryce....

"Hey... you didn't answer my text, but I thought I'd just come by and surprise you..." he trailed off as he looked closer at me. "Are you okay?"

I stepped out of the apartment and closed the door almost all the way behind me.

"Y-yeah. Fine... why?" I stuttered, crossing my arms in front of me.

"You look... pale... that's a little unusual for you, right?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in concern.

Looking sick! Perfect!

"Yeah, umm... I wasn't feeling a hundred percent after class. I was actually thinking of going to bed early..." I said, trying to sound apologetic. I could feel my voice shaking.

His face fell, but the worry in his eyes didn't go away.

"I'm sorry you're feeling sick. Do you want me to stay with you...?"

I shook my head. Stupid Bryce.

"No..." I replied, a little too quickly. "No, I... I don't want you to get sick if I'm contagious."

"I don't care...?" he tried, almost desperately.

I shook my head, trying to hold back the tears. He couldn't know about Bryce. Bryce couldn't know about _him_... I was making myself light headed at the thought.

He nodded slowly. "Okay..." he said, hesitantly. "Well... call if you need anything, okay?"

I was hurting him. I could see it. Oh, Nick....

My lips met his suddenly, trying to assure him that I wanted him here more than anything, but that he just _couldn't_ stay....

He kissed me back, softly, apparently honestly not caring if I was sick.

"Feel better, sweetheart," he said quietly before turning away and walking down the hall to the elevator.

It took _everything_ in me not to chase after him. Instead, I shakily turned around and went back inside. Back to Bryce.

"Who was that?" he asked, coming out of my bedroom.

My knees were weak. I honestly thought I was making myself sick over all of this.

_Get it together, Chloe. _

"Just... my neighbor...." I whispered.

He came over and put his arms around me, bringing me close against him. "Dinner ready?"

He smelled all wrong. He felt all wrong. His embrace was cold, rough. It wasn't warm or tender... He wasn't Nick.

"Just about ready..." I whispered against him, my voice flat.

He nodded approvingly and let go of me. "Hope you managed to make it the way I like it."

I didn't care if he liked it. _Just don't try to kiss me, Bryce. Please. _

My heart ached throughout dinner. Apparently, it was good enough for him, because he didn't complain... or compliment. He chatted with me, and I responded appropriately.

After dinner, he went into the living room to watch T.V. while I cleaned up. After a few minutes, Bryce yelled in to me.

"Chloe? You joining me?" Bryce called from the living room.

"Yes, Bryce! I'm coming!" I answered immediately, like I knew he wanted me to. I hated to feel this way, but I was terrified about spending the rest of the night here with him.

I managed to sneak a quick text to Nick before shutting my phone off for the night and heading to the living room.

_Thinking of you. Goodnight._

**Author's Note: How'd you like the first Chloe POV we've posted? Likeee it? Leave a review! I believe this was also written by my beta, LucyAlyce. Right, lucy? Yes... I think so. lol! I don't remember writing it ;). So big shout out to my beta for this one! She can really write Chloe, huh? **


	3. Mack's Loss

___**Author's Note: Hey everybody! We thought we'd surprise you guys with an outtake this week! :). Here is a look into Mack's life. This is just a week after Katie's death and how he comes to fall into Greg's grip. Enjoy! **_

_MPOV_

I couldn't... I couldn't do this anymore! I couldn't take it. No matter how many time I gazed at the sky or watched the stars I still couldn't feel her. I needed to feel Katie by my side.

I had been on the back porch since last night reading poetry. It was our thing. But no matter how much I read or how much I tried, nothing was bringing her back to me. She was gone....

Gone.

I just couldn't do this. I couldn't live a life without Katie. She was my whole life in the first place.

I knew from the moment I met her that she'd be my life....

_There she was, I thought wistfully as I watched Katie walk down the school hallway. I knew once I hit high school that I'd probably start to like girls. I mean like _like_ girls. Not that I hadn't liked them before... I just never thought of any of them that way. They were cool and stuff. I liked to have them as friends. But I had never wanted to date them before. Some of my friends in my grade made fun of me for it... but I just didn't feel anything for them. _

_That had all changed the first day of high school. That was the day I saw Katie Beaulieu. She was beautiful. She was the prettiest girl I had ever seen in my life. Her smile lit up the whole room. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. How could this girl be full of so much light? I finally understood the concept of 'butterflies' in my stomach. She drove me completely insane._

_And she didn't even know I existed. _

_That was my fault though. I couldn't gather up enough confidence or nerve to talk to her yet. She was always with her friends and I didn't want to embarrass myself. So...instead I wrote her notes and left them in her locker. _

_It was stupid... I know. I was her secret admirer. She probably thought it was lame... I just couldn't stop myself. If I couldn't speak to her, I had to write to her. I needed to know she knew me at least a little. Plus, I wanted to try to impress her. Maybe she would like what I wrote. Once I knew if she did, maybe I could be brave enough. _

_I crept over to her locker as I saw her turn the corner of the hall and unfolded the paper in my hands, taking one last look at it. _

Your hazel green eyes  
Are like woods on a warm spring day  
When leaves have just unfolded  
And slender branches thick with sap  
Bend under the weight of songful birds.  
I look into your eyes and see  
A timeless world of sun and breezes,  
Of shade and dappled love,  
As I gaze from my sunlit doorway.

_I had found the poem on the internet last night and it had instantly reminded me of her. She had the deepest hazel eyes I had ever seen in my life and they were always filled with happiness. They sparkled. They really sparkled. You could see the happiness and love dancing in them when you looked at her. This poem felt like a good match. _

_I had wanted to show her some more classic poetry but I didn't know if she'd like it.... Sometimes girls just liked the sweet kind of poems you find in Valentine cards. I would keep it simple for now. _

_I slipped the paper into her locker and hurried down the hall to my next class. _

_Class was dull and my mind was racing. I couldn't wait to get to her locker and see what would happen. I had never checked to see what she thought before. I was too afraid. But today would be the day. I was going to check. I needed to see her reaction._

_The second the teacher dismissed us, I ran out of that classroom like my life depended on it. I hid behind my locker door, which was a little away from hers. I had a perfect view. _

_She came to her locker. Her eyes were hesitant, but filled with excitement as well. It was like she was uncertain if she should be excited or not, but she definitely knew something was coming. _

_I watched her closely. She struggled to unlock her locker with one hand, and I fought the urge to go over there and help her. I couldn't though. Not now. It would interrupt this moment. I wouldn't be unnoticed anymore either... she could find out it was me. Would it creep her out that I was watching her like this? _

_Eventually she got the locker open and she reached up to place her books in it, but her hand stopped midair. A smile crept over her face and she put the books down, replacing them with a small paper from her locker. It was the one I had dropped there earlier. _

_My stomach tightened nervously. Katie peeked around the hallway, which was oddly quiet for once. Or maybe I was just in some sort of trance and only saw her. I wasn't sure._

_Slowly she unfolded the paper and her eyes scanned it. I froze, suddenly regretting watching. Maybe she would hate it. What if she hated it? What would I do?! I was in a panic._

_But then that beautiful smile that was always in the back of my mind stretched across her face. My heartbeat started beating faster. It was racing. It was pounding against my ribcage. Was that normal? I was feeling a little bit faint... maybe I should see the school nurse. _

_I wasn't going to leave yet though. I knew I couldn't move. Her smile was captivating and it was so alive at the moment. She read the note again and then carefully folded it back up. Katie slipped the paper in her pocket and looked around. _

_Her eyes almost instantly met mine. My breath stopped short. I ducked my head quickly, hoping her eyes would move on and keep looking through the hallway. _

_No such luck. _

_I peeked up and she was still staring at me. The hazel eyes I had written about were fixated on me for the first time. I quickly became trapped in her gaze. _

"_Katie!" I heard a girl call from behind me and I jumped, startled. Right... people other than us lived on this earth. _

_This routine continued on for another week or so. I would write down a poem for her and stick it in her locker before class, then watch her open it after class. Every time, it ended with us staring at each other. And every time I wished I had the guts to go say something to her. I couldn't though. I was too shy, I guess._

_Slowly I had begun to put poems I liked on the paper. Today I had put some Shakespeare. I figured most people knew some Shakespeare, so it wouldn't be so weird. I hoped she'd like it. Like every other day, I hid behind my locker, peeking one eye out to watch her walking toward her locker. Her eyes flickered to mine for a moment a smile began to linger on her lips. _

_My heart pounded in my chest. I was becoming very familiar with that feeling now. I put my hand on my chest and felt the beat increase as Katie opened up her locker. This had already happened many times before, but I was still nervous every time. _

_She started unfolding today's note and I held my breath. Her eyes slowly drifted over the page, reading it. On cue, like every other day, a huge grin grew on her lips. _

_Thank God. She liked the note. _

_She ran her fingers over the text on the paper. This was new. Did this mean she liked Shakespeare? I wasn't sure.... _

_I took a breath. Maybe I should take a chance and ask today. _

_I shut my locker as quietly as I could. I didn't want to bring her out of the trance she was in. She looked rather content and I liked it. I just wanted to be a little closer for now. _

_But like every other day, as well, a crowd of people entered the hallway. At least she wouldn't notice me moving forward. I was in the middle of a crowd of ninth graders. _

_The crowd seemed to startle Katie, though. She dropped the note in her surprise. I automatically took a few steps forward, wanting to pick the paper up for her. I stopped a few steps away from her, though. I couldn't talk to her yet. My stomach was so tight I thought I was going to throw up already. With the breeze coming from the crowd passing her I could smell her. My eyes shut involuntarily at the sweet smell. It was intoxicating. I really liked it...._

_A small gasp brought me out of my daze. As Katie had been leaning down to pick up the paper, someone had knocked into her. She was falling to the ground. This time I couldn't stop myself. I flew forward, grabbing her before she could hit the floor. _

_I slammed into the ground, catching her, but losing my own balance. Smooth, Mack._

_Katie blinked a few times, trying to figure out what just happened. Her eyes slowly came to mine. Hazel orbs gazed straight through my soul._

"_We are for each other; then laugh, leaning back in my arms, for life's not a paragraph." The words slipped out of my mouth before I could even filter them. I had to stop this. I always thought of poems...._

_Katie's eyes flashed with a liveliness I had never seen so strong in anyone's eyes. "e.e. cummings," she murmured, almost wistfully. _

"_You knew that?" I questioned in disbelief. Maybe I didn't know as much about her as I thought.... _

_Katie smirked at me. "Yes. I really love his poetry, actually," she informed me quietly, smiling to herself. _

"_I guess I know what to write you now...." I whispered. I knew without a doubt that she already knew it was me giving her the poetry now... I could admit it out loud to her. _

_Katie's eyes saddened and my breath stopped at the look of it. Her sadness made my heart break a little. Why was she sad? Did she not want my poems anymore? What was wrong? _

"_You don't have to write them down... you could just read them to me, you know?" she suggested, shifting a little. She was probably uncomfortable, as we were in an awkward position on the ground. _

_I sat up and she ended up sitting in my lap. Her body was warming mine. It was the best feeling I had ever felt... I had never felt so warm or complete it weird to be feeling so strongly about another person?_

"_Did you want me to?" I asked her breathlessly. I had never imagined she would like poetry or me so much that she'd actually want me to read it to her. _

_She nodded with a cute smile. _

"_After school?" I offered shyly. What if she said no? What if she only wanted to be at-school friends? I didn't even want to just be friends...._

_Katie smiled brightly at me and stood up. "It's a date!" she agreed, reaching down to offer me her hand. I stared at it for a second before I felt a smile stretch across my face. _

"_Yes it is," I confirmed, taking her hand. I got up, but didn't let go of her hand. She peeked over at me, unspoken questions in her eyes._

_The words she spoke next weren't a question, but an answer. _

_"Is that you and I are more than you and I (because It's we)." She quoted another e.e. cummings poem and my heart pretty much exploded. She knew the answer to all the questions in both our minds. Why were we feeling this way? Why did I like her so much? Why couldn't I stop writing her notes? Why was I so obsessed? Maybe it was because we were supposed to be together._

_I looked down at our entwined hands and felt my heart swell more in my chest. I loved this girl. I knew I loved her in that instant. She was going to become my world. _

I was shaking so hard. I could hardly handle the memories. She _had_ become my world.... I had been right.

But now she was gone. My world had disappeared. I was stuck in my own hell, craving her, wanting to be close to her.

My body knew she was gone. It missed her touch. It was longing to feel her. It had been a week; an entire week without a kiss, a hug, anything. My body was addicted to her touches. It needed the touch. It craved to be held by Katie. I was going through such a withdrawal from her. I couldn't just quit Katie like that, cold turkey, no problem.

I couldn't ever quit her and neither could my body. My entire being needed her.

But out of everything, my heart needed her the most. The weakness I felt right now was devastating. I always felt strong with Katie by my side.

Except on that night...that horrible night. The images were scarred into my memory. Every sound, every movement, every plea out of Katie's mouth. Everything was stuck with me.

Before that night I had been strong, confident, and even brave with her.

"_Mack!" Katie squealed at me as I climb up the tall tree. "Come down here! You're going to hurt yourself!" she yelled at me through her laughter. I looked down and flashed her a grin. I was going to the top of the tree and getting her the leaf she wanted. _

_Of course she hadn't been serious about me going up to get the leaf, but if she wanted something, I would get it. I would do anything for her. _

"_I'll be fine," I assured her anyway. I knew she was worried. _

_I tested out the next branch. The branches were getting weaker now as I got higher up. _

"_I don't want the leaf that badly!" Katie told me loudly. Her voice was going a little higher than usual, so I stopped climbing and turned to look at her. Her eyes were wide with fright. _

"_I won't fall!" I told her, certain of myself. I used to climb trees all the time... but I guess I was only ten then and weighed a lot less. The branches could hold my weight better then. _

_She didn't trust my word. Probably because I didn't have any control over whether the branch would break under me or not. _

"_What, you don't trust me?" I questioned her teasingly, rocking a little on the branch. Her eyes widened even more and she became tense. I could see it from here. _

"_I trust you. I don't trust the tree," she said to me, matter-of-factly. _

_I smiled reassuringly at her and then pressed my finger against my lips. _

"_Shh, it can hear you," I winked at her then turned around to climb up higher. _

"_I'm kicking your butt when you get down here," I heard her grumble. _

_I smirked. She was a goof. I was tempted to shout back something like 'if my butt isn't broken from falling down the tree,' but I figured that would be too far. She was worried enough already, I knew. _

_Crack. _

_I froze and looked down, seeing the tree branch splitting slightly beneath me. I ignored it. I could almost reach the leaf. _

_I reached forward, barely grazing the leaf she had pointed at earlier. _

"_Mack...." Katie trailed off worriedly. _

_I grunted and pushed myself up higher, snatching the leaf skilfully. Oh yeah, I had the skills! _

"_Got it!" I called down to her, turning around quickly. I grinned proudly at her._

_I could tell she was trying to smile back, but her eyes kept flickering to the branch I was on. Fine... I'll get down. I chuckled and put the leaf into my hoodie pocket._

_The way down was easier and that made me feel more confident. I went faster. The faster I got down to my worried little girlfriend, the better. I just wanted to get down so I could swoop her up in my arms and kiss her and make sure she knew I was okay. I didn't mean to worry her like that. _

_But I'd do anything for her. And she had thought that the leaf toward the top of the tree was beautiful, so I wanted her to have it._

_Unfortunately, my idea about going fast wasn't good. My foot got caught on the last branch and I lost my balance, falling right out of the tree. I felt myself flying through the air for a moment, and then I was on the ground. Luckily, I hadn't been too far up. I had almost been fully down the tree, so it wasn't too bad of a fall. But it did hurt. _

_I groaned and rolled onto my back. I was immediately met by Katie's hazel eyes, stemming in anger. _

_She hit me in the chest and I winced. "Ow..." I moaned, rubbing my chest plate. It was definitely sore from falling, but what hurt the most was my wrist. I had fallen on it wrong and I could feel that something was off about it. Sharp pains prickled through it. _

"_You said you wouldn't fall..." she huffed, crossing her arms, but I saw the concern was too great in her eyes._

_I sat up hurriedly, keeping my left wrist away from anything. I couldn't let her see that I had gotten hurt. I'd heal. I just wanted her to feel okay. _

_I pulled the leaf out of my pocket and handed it to her. "I got it for you," I smiled sweetly at her, smiling shyly. _

_Her lips twitched at the sides as she fingered the leaf thoughtfully. _

_"You're sweet, but totally reckless," she laughed, leaning over to peck my lips adoringly. "Don't ever do that again." _

"_I won't," I whispered back to her in a promise. _

_Her eyes sparkled lovingly at my promise and she nodded. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly, reaching over to rub my chest very gently, where she had hit me earlier. _

"_Perfect," I grinned at her, reaching over to kiss her._

I had been strong enough to push pain away for her because she was there giving me the strength. Now, in her absence, I was weak. I was pathetically weak. I couldn't even live life anymore.

It was truly like all senses had been ripped away from me sometimes. I couldn't feel, hear, or say anything. People would be speaking to me and I wouldn't even realize it. I didn't know what I was doing. I could slit my hand open and not even notice... I had already done that once. It was like the life had already been taken out of me.

Then other times it was the opposite. My senses seemed to be on overdrive. That wasn't a good thing, not at all. All of my senses knew that Katie wasn't around. I felt an overwhelming amount of pain. I just cried and cried for her, begging her to come back to me. I prayed to God to give me another chance. I was a good guy. I had been good to everyone. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did it have to happen to _her_?

She was the purest person on earth. I was sure she had become an angel in heaven because no one that pure couldn't have such a fate. Maybe that was why God wanted her so badly... he needed a perfect angel.

I reached up and wiped the tears off my face, but I didn't know why I bothered. They would just keep coming... I was waiting for the day they'd stop coming, but they wouldn't. I could never run out of tears for the death of my Katie....

And that's why I had made a decision. I couldn't live on this earth without her. If she died... then I died. I couldn't take anymore of this.

This was going to be the day I died.

Once I heard the engine of my mother's car driving off, I got up. I had enough respect to wait until she had gone to work, at least. She didn't need to see something like this.

I pulled the letter I wrote them out of my pocket. I knew I should be feeling bad for what I was going to do. I knew I should be thinking about how they would feel after I did this. I was their only child.

But I couldn't. My mind was too clouded right now. All I could think about was that I did not have Katie with me and I could not be with her again until I died as well.

I grabbed my wallet out of my room, stopping for a moment, as always, to look at Katie's picture. My breath caught in my throat and then released a weak whimper. I missed her so much....

I sniffed and reached forward, picking up the picture.

"I love you, baby," I whispered, stroking her face through the frame gently.

"We're going to be together soon. I promise, 'kay?" I vowed, and then leaned down to kiss the picture. We'd be together again very soon. I would be able to see her, touch her, smell her, be with her. I gripped the picture, not bothering to put it down. I took it out of the frame and slipped it into my pocket. I needed her close.

Then I left. I took my dad's car, since he had left with my mom, and drove it to the local grocery store. I kept my hands deep in my pockets, stroking the picture in my pocket gently as I walked, trying to feel in control of myself. I was in public.

I shakily walked into the store. People walked through the aisles like it was any other day. They were smiling and chatting away with each other. None of them had any idea of what I was about to.

I made my way to the medicine aisle without passing out or my knees giving out. My body knew if I made it through this trip it could be with Katie again. I was determined.

"_I'll always be with you, Mack._"

I could hear Katie's words echoing in my mind. Her words were so soft, strained, but so full of love. I knew she said she'd always be with me. I just couldn't feel her. She wasn't here anymore.

I grabbed five bottles of pills off of the shelf, not even caring if it looked suspicious. I'd say I had a cold. I looked like I was sick. Who would question it?

I quickly walked back to the cashier as memories of this store started to fill my mind. I didn't make it to the front before a memory took over my mind. I grabbed a shelf to hold on to.

"_Chocolate," Katie said decidedly. "We'll need lots of chocolate." _

_Her head bobbed up and down as she walked beside me through the grocery store. We were picking up snack foods for our movie night tonight. It was a very important grocery trip. The food would make the night._

_I smirked at her love for chocolate. If she could only eat one thing in the world, it would definitely be chocolate. The girl had an addiction. _

"_Lots of chocolate," I mumbled in recognition, just so she knew I did hear her. I took her hand and squeezed it tightly in mine. _

"_And jelly beans for you," she added on, squeezing my hand back. Of course she knew what my favorite candy was. _

"_Definitely jelly beans," I nodded in agreement, tugging her down the candy aisle. Katie's eyes sparkled like a little girl's as we walked by the rows of candies. _

"_Oh! What about these?" she suggested, dragging me to a shelf. I let her grab whatever she wanted. I knew she wouldn't eat a lot of them anyways. She did love candy, but she knew not to go overboard with it. _

"_Look, 25% less fat," I pointed, showing her the chocolate bar. Her eyes narrowed at the chocolate and then up at me. _

"_Are you trying to hint at something, Mack?" she asked in disbelief, her eyes growing wide. She pressed her lips tightly together, glaring at me. _

_Yeah, that had come out wrong._

"_No," I stated seriously, taking the chocolate bar off the shelf. "I just remembered you saying you wanted to cut back on fatty foods," I pointed out, using her own words that she had said to me. _

_Her glare didn't fall. She looked away from me, letting of of my hand, and kept walking through the aisle. What had I done? I seriously hadn't meant that. She knew that...didn't she? I would never try to say she was getting fat or being unhealthy. She knew how to take care of herself... and I loved her no matter what. _

"_Baby," I groaned, hurrying to catch up with her. "I was just looking out for your health," I chuckled shakily, not knowing if she was being serious or not. _

"_Looking out for my health," she scoffed, grabbing a package of candy and throwing it in my shopping basket. "Or you think I need to watch what I'm eating," she corrected me, giving me a hard look. _

_I stopped in the aisle, not chasing after her anymore. "I do not!" I fought back, sounding like a stubborn five year old. _

_She was fine! She was fit and very healthy. We both were. I had no problem with her eating the less healthy chocolate bars. I just knew that she had said she wanted to try not to eat them as much. _

_Katie stopped when she noticed I wasn't following her anymore. She walked back to me and stroked my cheek._

_"I'm totally just messing with you, babe," she smiled at me teasingly. I returned it with a dark glare. I knew it! She made me go through all of that guilt for nothing. Jerk.... _

_I grabbed the side of her waist with my free hand and squeezed it. "Well, we wouldn't want to lose those love handles, would we?" I teased her back, cocking an eyebrow at her._

_Her jaw dropped, shocked by my action. She flinched away from my hand defensively. _

"_I do not have love handles," she grumbled, smoothing the side of her shirt out. I knew she was really checking her stomach though. I smirked in amusement. _

"_I'm totally just messing with you, babe," I quoted her jokingly. _

_She stuck her tongue out childishly at me and started to walk away. "You can grab your own jelly beans, Mack!" she called back, amusement growing in her voice. I laughed and grabbed the bag of jelly beans before rushing after her. _

"_Did you want the less fat chocolate or the regular?" I asked her seriously this time, wanting to know if I should put it back. _

"_The less fat one is fine," she grinned. I knew she would have wanted that. "Thanks for remembering," she said appreciatively, reaching out for my hand again. _

"_Anytime," I smiled, accepting her hand. I tugged her to me and gave her a sweet kiss. "Love you," I whispered quietly, so we weren't making a scene or anything. _

"_I'm so lucky to have a guy who will love me and my love handles," she chuckled, leaning over to kiss me again. _

_I laughed against her lips and let go of her hand to stroke her side gently. No love handles, but I wouldn't mind them if she had them. I just loved her. _

"_And I love you too," she said after she pulled away from the kiss. _

I took a ragged breath in, shaking so hard. _I love you too_. The words were stuck in my head. Her laugh was echoing in my mind.

So many little grocery trips like that... so many moments where we were just being silly and messing around with each other... so many times where we had said we loved each other. It hadn't been enough. We hadn't had enough time together. I wanted more _time._

A sob wracked through my body. No! I couldn't break down now. I was so close to seeing her now. I just had to make it through a few more minutes. It seemed so impossible though....

I took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm myself.

I walked forward, practically running to the cashier. There wasn't a line and I went straight up, dropping the bottles on the counter. Thankfully it was a younger girl working, and didn't say anything about the amount of medications I had there. She just gave me a strange, concerned look.

"That's $35.37, you have I.D?" she asked.

I.D.

My hands started shaking as I dug my wallet out. My old wallet. The one that I had had to find and put stuff in because that gang had taken my usual wallet.

I pulled out my state I.D. that I had had to get when I was thirteen for a trip we were going on. I didn't have a passport or license then, and they had needed a form of photo identification, so my parents had gotten me that. I knew it was expired now, but it was the only one that was left in that wallet. My old wallet.

"Um...." she did the math in her head, calculating my age.

"M-my other wallet got stolen," I whispered, "that's a-all I have."

She frowned sympathetically and nodded, handing it back to me. "$35.37," she repeated.

I gave her a bunch of bills, not even bothering to count it out, and then grabbed the bag gratefully, knowing I gave enough to cover it and more there.

Katie had always insisted on giving cashiers tips, even if no one really ever thought of doing it. She had worked as a cashier and she always came home frustrated. I had had a new respect for cashiers after that.

I hurried out the store doors, feeling my knees starting to shake. Just a few minutes longer, and you'll see her again.... I reminded myself.

I walked quickly but was stopped by a figure standing directly in front of me. I was about to walk around him when I heard him speak.

"You shouldn't do that," he told me. His voice was deep and a bit gravelly. It sounded somewhat familiar.

I looked up to see Greg Gagnon standing in front of me. His eyes met mine. Hazel eyes....

My body stopped when it saw them. They were almost the same color eyes as Katie's. The only difference was his were a lot harder, not so happy. Hers were always so happy and soft.

The similar color kept me staring at him. "I-I don't know what you're talking about," I stuttered, feeling my hands starting to shake. I couldn't hold up very much longer.

Greg tilted his head at me. "Do you think she'd want you to kill yourself? Would Katie want you to end your whole life?"

His words struck me hard. How did he know about Katie? No one talked about it. Her parents hadn't wanted many people to know.... Only people who were close knew about it. It had just happened a week ago. Though that felt like an eternity in hell to me.

"She wouldn't," he told me knowingly. I shifted away from his intense gaze now and looked to the ground.

"I need her," I whispered weakly, staring at my shoes.

"You need to be strong for her," he instructed me. I felt him tug the bag of drugs out of my hand.

"These aren't going to help you right now. Would you leave this world without removing the people who took Katie away from you?" he asked me with a hard stare.

The hazel eyes burned into mine. It was almost the displeased look that Katie would give me.

I shook my head quickly. My eyes couldn't come off of his now. I knew that if I had the chance, I would take every single one of them out and show them how it felt. I'd make them feel how much they had hurt her.... I could see it in her the whole time. Her horrified eyes haunted my nightmares....

"I can help you, Mack. I can show you where they are."

"You know where they are?" I questioned him quickly. My voice came out in a breathless rush. He knew where they were. Anger flooded my veins.

They would pay. I wanted them to pay for what they had done to her. To my Katie....

"I can take you to them," Greg offered me with a nonchalant shrug.

"Y-you can?"

My words stumbled over each other. My hands were already in fists. I could make them scream and cry out. I would make them beg for their lives and then take it away from them. I would rip them apart and they would regret ever touching my angel.

This is what happened when you took an angel away from people like me. We weren't able to understand the difference between right and wrong anymore because all of the light that had been in our lives had been destroyed. I was in the dark without her. Lost. And I wanted the people responsible for that to share in some of my pain.

Greg wrapped his arm around my shoulder supportively.

"I can do that and so much more for you, Mack. I got your back," he promised me, walking me forward. He stopped at a trash can and dumped my pills in there.

"She'll be proud of you," he assured me, looking me straight in the eyes.

I nodded quickly and looked up at the sky.

_I'm going to get rid of those guys, Katie. I'll make sure they regret it. I'll make them pay, baby. I love you._

**Author's Note: It's true, Greg really does find his gang members when they are weakest. *shakes head* saddd. So I hope you guys enjoyed the outtake though! That's a little more of a glimpse into his past and also of Katie. I think that's one of the first times you guys have ever gotten to really read about her before she was dead. How do you like her? She's a carefree one. I really like her...same with my beta. My beta likes her a little too much to grasp reality that she's dead... xP. But anyways tell us what you thought and leave us an update! Also, tell us who you wanna see an outtake about! We have them for pretty much everyone so just through us a name! xD**

**Have a great day/night! **


	4. Chloe's Memories

**Author's Note: Hey world! Here's a mid week outtake for you all. I wasn't planning on putting up another Chlick (Chloe & Nick) one for a bit, but it matches up with the chapter we posted a few days ago. Here's what Chloe was thinking throughout that night. Enjoy! **

I was so relieved to have so much out and in the open. Nick had met my family... met Bryce... read my letter....

Everything that I had previously been too afraid to talk to him about, he now knew. Not details, but the major things, which was what mattered. It was difficult to get it all out, but... well, sometimes overcoming things made everything even greater, right?

Now lying on the bed, I stared at the ceiling of the hotel room where we were staying and tried to rest. Nick had gone out to find food at a store down the street. We were staying in a tourist-y area, so there would be plenty of places to find food. When I had suppressed my fourth yawn, he had asked me if I'd rather stay here and take a nap while he shopped. And though I wanted to spend time with him, I couldn't refuse.

Now that he was gone though, I couldn't stop _thinking_. I kept remembering things that had happened in the past. Things that I really didn't care to remember. Especially now.

_My parents were out, and apparently, Bryce had found something new that he liked to do at Harvard.___

_Drinking.___

_He set the bottle of clear liquid on the counter and gave me a mischievous smirk. "I know you've never tried that stuff, have you, Chlo?"___

_I shook my head no, watching him carefully.___

_"Well, you're in for a treat tonight then...."__  
_  
The click of the hotel door's lock made me sit up on the bed. I watched as the knob turned, my heart pounding as I waited.

Nick came in with a paper bag and a smile. "Hey you. How was your nap?" he asked casually, placing the bag on the little nearby table before coming over to greet me.

I shrugged, relaxing at the sound of his voice. "Didn't really sleep much," I replied honestly. "How was the store?"

He let out a breath and got up to go over to unpack his bag. "Exhausting. Who would've thought that so many people would be visiting California in November. Store was insane...."

I giggled and went over to help him and he gave me a look. "You _really_ don't have to help me unload this stuff. You can rest...."

I shook my head. "I'm bored with resting."

"Okay... I was going to surprise you, though."

I grinned at him, knowing his surprises were always good ones. He always found a way to make me feel so... special. Cherished.

"I like surprises," I responded softly, kissing his cheek to thank him. "Can I see it?"

"Could I ever say no to you?" he answered, his eyes dancing. He nodded and then pulled a fancy looking bottle out of the bag. I suppressed a shudder and stared at it.

_I forced down the second shot in two minutes, chased by some juice.___

_"Bryce, I don't think...." I started, still feeling the burning in my throat. I had never been drunk, but I thought I might be getting there.___

_"You're fine. Your parents don't care if we're drinking, Chlo. Kay?" he said, taking a third shot before filling two more shot glasses for us.___

_I wasn't sure.___

_"But alcohol's not good... especially when we're young. Something about your brain not being fully developed and the alcohol messing with it...." I tried to rationalize in a way that he'd understand. ___

_He and my parents were both set on me achieving--becoming something worth it--if I was going to go to college next year. Five more months and I was heading out to Harvard with him....___

_He chuckled. "Your parents drink."___

_"They drink wine." Somehow, wine and shots of vodka seemed very different.___

_He shrugged and handed me what would be my third shot in five minutes. I stared at it and shook my head.___

_"I'll get sick."___

_"You won't get fucking sick, Chloe. Just take the damn shot."___

_I flinched, and then stared at him before staring down at the shot, biting my lip.___

_"Christ..." he mumbled, taking the shot from me. "You're such a child sometimes." He took my shot and then his as I watched, the effects of my two fast shots starting to make me feel a little dizzy. ___

_"You'll probably wish you had just taken it," he mumbled, and my eyes shot up to look at him. ___

_"Excuse me?" I whispered.___

_He grinned slowly and came closer. "Nothing, baby...."___

_His fingers trailed up my arms, and I let out a breath. "I should... put the bottle back in the fridge...." I said, using it as an excuse to step away from him.___

_He grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "Take one more shot with me, and then you'll put it back in the fridge."___

_I didn't want to be taking any shots, but... well, he told me to.... Maybe he'd calm down if I just listened...._

If Nick wanted to drink, he could drink. It didn't mean I had to. Or that he'd ask me to.

But then why had he gotten us a bottle? And as a _surprise_ for me? I didn't understand....

I trusted him, though.

I think.

No, I did. I trusted him. It was _Nick_. I had no reason to believe that he'd ever do something to hurt me....

"Sparkling grape juice?" he offered, holding up the bottle, and I blinked.

"Excuse me?"

He grinned and shrugged. "I mean, it's technically just fizzy grape juice, right? So it's a fruit... kind of healthy? The fizz makes it more fun...." he trailed off, trying to read my face.

I felt so relieved. He had seriously bought us a bottle of sparkling grape juice. Not champagne or wine or something. Not alcohol....

I smiled at how cute he was for thinking of it.

"If you're not thirsty we can save it for later?" he offered, but I shook my head.

"No, it's perfect," I told him, flashing him a real smile. I couldn't get over how well things had been going with him. And right when I thought he had went about 'surprising' me the wrong way, he proved me wrong again. Sparkling grape juice could not have been more perfect.

His smile widened and he pulled two glasses out of the bag. He poured us glasses of the sparkling grape juice and handed one to me.

I smiled shyly at him and he met my eyes and grabbed his glass, holding it up. "As corny as this sounds, this Thanksgiving, I'm... so thankful for you, Chloe. More than I could say with words."

His eyes locked on mine, expressing how true his words were, and we clinked glasses.  
_  
__I nodded and he took out two more shot glasses, taller ones. Doubles.___

_He poured the vodka into the double shot glasses and clinked his glass with mine before swallowing it.___

_I tilted my head back, held my breath, and swallowed mine in one gulp. _

_Before I could chase it, Bryce's lips were on mine, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth. I almost choked at the feeling of the burning in the back of my throat from my shot. I felt too hot, like the heat was suffocating me. I struggled to breathe. ___

_His hands first held my face in place, but as he realized I wasn't fighting him, he ran them down my sides, looping his fingers into my jeans and pulling me closer to him.___

_Now I just felt trapped._  
_  
_"I'd have to say I agree with you, Nick," I told him quietly, but earnestly.

We sipped at our sparkling grape juice and I smiled as the fizz tickled my lips.

He smiled back and then said, "So I was thinking we could either make something in the microwave for dinner or we could go out...."

I shifted so that I was sitting up on the counter next to the microwave and mini fridge and thought about it for a moment. Did I know any recipes that I could cook in a microwave?

"Going out sounds nice," I mused. There were a lot of places close by that we could go to for dinner, and then we could maybe go for a walk on the beach after dinner. I suggested the idea to Nick and his eyes lit up.

"Sounds perfect," he said, coming to stand in between my legs to look up at me. I mentally tensed, but tried not to let it show. This was Nick.

"Plus we have all of these outfits with us that we need to put to good use," he said with a nod. I knew that Alice had taken him shopping before this trip and I grinned.

"Right. Wouldn't want Alice getting mad that you didn't wear them," I teased with a wink.

"Exactly," he said so seriously that I couldn't help but laugh. Alice and her fashion....

"Well, if you can give me twenty minutes, I can be ready to go...." I said, throwing the idea out there. I could probably be ready faster if he needed me to be....

"I'll race you," he challenged, raising his eyebrows.

I smiled at the idea, considered it, and then nodded, holding out my hand. "Kay. Ready...."

"Set--Go!" he shouted, shaking my hand and then racing off to get ready in the bathroom.

I jumped off of the counter and ran over to the closet. I quickly put on a summer dress with a tiny matching headband, and then touched up my make up.

_"Bryce...." I whispered against his lips, half warning him. ___

_I was glad for the attention... it meant I was doing something right. I was behaving how I should be... doing what my parents and Bryce wanted. But at the same time, this felt very wrong. Too fast. My thoughts were racing...._

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and concentrated on Nick and Nick only.

I ran over to the bathroom door, sliding on my slightly fancier flip-flops as I ran, and got ready to knock. That had only taken me about twelve minutes. New record.

Just as my hand raised, though, he opened the door.

"I win!" We both said at the same time.

"Technically, I won because I was standing here all ready to go while you were still in there," I said matter of factly with a shy smile.

"_Technically_, I was ready too, just had to take time to open the door," he said, "so _there_," and he stuck out his tongue at me.

"You'd better be keeping that tongue in your mouth, Mister, or I'll bite it off," I warned him playfully.

He tilted his head to the side interestedly, his playfulness fading as an intrigued look came across his face. "Really?"

I giggled at his reaction and turned away from him to start walking to the door, shaking my head and not answering.

He caught up to me and slipped his arm through mine.

"Tie?" he suggested as we walked down the hall to the elevator, his lips turning into a smile that I couldn't resist kissing.

"Tie," I agreed against his soft lips.

We stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to go to the lobby.

"So tell me more about this tongue thing...." he said slowly.

I felt myself blush, and then decided to be daring because... well... it was Nick. He liked when I made the first move.

"Well...." I started, and then clasped my hands around his neck, causing him to lean closer to me. I caught his lips with mine and slowly ran my tongue along the outside of them, parting them softly as his tongue met mine. His hands settled at my lower back, holding me gently.  
_  
__"Bryce, slow down...." I whispered as his fingers dipped deeper before sliding around so that both of his hands gripped the skin on my lower back, under my shirt.___

_As I spoke, his grip on me tightened. I gasped as his nails dug into the skin of my back. "You don't tell me what to fucking do, you understand?" he grumbled before kissing me harder, more desperately.___

_My heart was pounding as I kissed him back, hoping that's all he wanted. If I did what he wanted, he wouldn't get mad....___

_His lips seemed to get frustrated with mine and he tore himself from me, glaring at me, but I didn't know why. What had I done wrong?_

We kissed each other sweetly, even though my heart was pounding as I hoped I was doing this right. His fingers softly traced circles into my back through the thin fabric of my dress, and I found that felt a lot better than having them clutching at me, like Bryce had done.

The elevator dinged as we reached the lobby and I took him by surprise by letting my teeth graze his tongue before I broke off the kiss.

"That was your warning," I said playfully, even though I was still nervous about his reaction.

"I like warnings," he said, taking my hand gently as we walked out of the lobby. I let out a sigh of relief. I'd done it right.

And I liked it....

Dinner was perfect. We found a cute little place that had both indoor and outdoor seating and ate outside under a very elegant looking umbrella.

After dinner, we walked along the beach. I took my flip flops off and held them in one of my hands as we walked, enjoying the soft sand between my toes. The sand was still warm from having the sun beating on it all day.

We walked until we couldn't see where we had started anymore, and then we stopped and just took in the setting sun.

Nick leaned down and brushed his fingers against my cheek so softly that I barely felt it.

I turned to meet his eyes and searched them, trying to decipher the intensity that shone in them.

"Chloe, tonight has been... so amazing," he started, and I smiled.

"I think so too," I agreed, meeting his smile.

He nodded, hesitating, as if he wasn't sure what to say now.

"What is it?" I whispered against the sound of the waves in the background. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful his face looked in the light of the setting sun.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head. "I-Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"Of course you can kiss me," I told him quietly, "You don't have to ask...."

"I... Okay, I only want to say this once."

I bit my lip and looked up at him, waiting. What could he possibly be wanting to say?

"So... I don't ever want to boss you around or make you do something that you don't want to do," he said quickly, swallowing hard. "And that's been bothering me lately because... I don't want to treat you like _he_ did. And I think sometimes I might tell you to do something without thinking about it and I just... I want you to know that you don't ever have to do something you don't want to do around me."

His gaze was very serious as he stared into my eyes. I felt like tears were coming, but they weren't bad ones. I still held them back, though, just caught up in the emotion in his words. I could only nod.

"Okay," he said, nodding back, and then he leaned in to kiss me.

I kissed him back, craving more from him. I wanted to feel more of how those words had made me feel.

His mouth pecked my lips, then went to kiss my cheek tenderly. He then moved to softly kiss my neck and I froze.  
_  
__Instead of saying anything, Bryce pulled me close against him and ravaged my neck, sucking and biting, hard, as goosebumps prickled my skin.___

_I squeezed my eyes shut and stood frozen, trying to block out the pain so that I wouldn't tell him to stop. ___

_He growled against my neck and pulled back again, still glaring. "Don't just stand there," he instructed, his eyes flashing.___

Nick froze too, his breath warm against my neck. "Are you okay?" he whispered. I could feel his lips moving and I nodded.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked.

"N-no," I whispered, breathless. "Keep going."

His lips were warm against my neck, and I waited for the part where it would hurt, but... it never came.

His tongue kissed at my neck and trailed down to my collarbone while his hands rested lightly at my waist. The whole time he was sweet and warm and soft and it gave me goosebumps, but I liked them. I was spinning, but it was exhilarating.  
_  
__I took a breath, trying to make my thoughts make sense. Too spinny. Alcohol sucked. Was 'spinny' a word?___

_"What do you want me to do?" I whispered, concentrating on saying the words. _

_He grinned, capturing my lips in his before taking my hands and wrapping them around him, placing my hands in his back pockets. ___

_"Think you can figure it out from there, Chlo?" he asked, his hands creeping up the front of my shirt. _

_I swallowed hard and braced myself as his hands roughly found what they were looking for. _  
_  
_I gulped and put my hands on Nick's arms. He kissed his way back up to my lips before pulling back to look at me, searching my face, trying to figure out what I was feeling as his hands rested on my shoulders, occasionally trailing to the back of my neck.

"W-What do you want me to do?" I asked him quietly.

His eyes narrowed in confusion. "Whatever you want to do," he said with a shrug.

I wanted to be closer to him.

My knees felt weak, so I let them drop and sink into the sand. I grabbed Nick's hands lightly and pulled him down to sit with me. I ended up in his lap because I couldn't get close enough and I just hugged him around his neck.

He held me just as tight as I was holding onto him and I could feel every breath that he was taking, every pound of his heart. He seemed just as hesitant as I was with his touches.

I pulled back and just looked at him. I could never get enough of seeing the way he looked back at me.

"You're so..." he shook his head, "just... amazing, Chloe."

I wanted to show him that I felt the same about him. I didn't want to just say it. I wanted to show him how much I trusted him, and I knew he was saying it and not showing it because he was trying to take it slow with me.

Moving slowly was the right thing to do. I knew it. It was never good to rush things.

But with Nick, it was _really_ hard to take it slow. __

_Before I could do anything to respond, the kitchen door opened loudly. ___

_Bryce shoved me away from him and turned to greet my parents with a bright smile.___

_I let out the breath that I had been holding and again, swallowed the lump in my throat. Concentrating, I grabbed the bottle of alcohol with shaking hands, putting it in the fridge before my parents could see it, exchanging it for a bottle of water._

_"What are the two of you up to tonight?" my mom asked politely as she took my father's coat from him.___

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, I instructed myself, feeling the tears coming to my eyes. I didn't know if it was at the thought of where things could have gone, or because I had been drinking with Bryce, or because I was so relieved they were home....___

_I pulled my hair to cover my neck and shrugged. "I have some studying to do. I think I might do that, shower, and then go to bed early. School tomorrow...."___

_Bryce raised an eyebrow. "What are you studying?"___

_"Some Math, some Spanish, maybe getting ahead with some of my English...." I answered, knowing it'd be rude not to, and then my dad would probably say something about it.___

_I looked over at him. "May I be excused for the night, Dad?"___

_He tilted his head and looked at me disapprovingly. "You're not going to finish visiting with Bryce?"___

_"I could.... Maybe I'll just work on homework later...." I trailed off, looking down. I didn't know how much more of Bryce I could take tonight. My brain still felt fuzzy, but I knew that what had just happened wasn't right.___

_Bryce came over and hugged me. "Go do your homework. Call me later, though, kay?" ___

_I was surprised he was letting me off so easily. I looked up suspiciously, trying to read his glassy eyes, but didn't question him further. ___

_After saying goodnight to my parents, I went up to my room and shut the door. I leaned my back against it and then locked it before heading to my bathroom.___

_I stood in front of my mirror and turned to see the red finger marks where he had dug his nails into my back. Again, I held in tears and turned around to look at the purple bruises on my neck. I touched them daintily with my fingers, grateful that Bryce had suggested I grow my hair long. It was long enough to hide the hickeys. _

_I watched my eyes fill with tears, but I was already having trouble focusing. Alcohol. Why would anyone choose to drink it? Why would someone want to feel so jumbled?___

"I lost you for a sec," Nick was saying.

I shook my head, clearing away the thoughts that just didn't want to stop coming.

"Sorry," I whispered.

He shook his head. "You don't have to be sorry. But... where do you go when I lose you like that?"

I breathed out through my nose and bit my lip thoughtfully. "Right then, just memories. But sometimes it's just... thoughts."

"What kind of memories?" he asked hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure if he should be.

I gave him a look and smiled sadly. "Past ones that like to creep up on me. But I'm trying not to let them do that so much anymore," I told him honestly.

"The past likes to creep," he said understandingly.

I ran my finger across his cheek. "Well, we don't have to let it do that from now on."  
_  
__I stepped into the refreshing hot water of my shower and took a deep breath to relax. Closing my eyes, I let all thoughts of tonight drift away. Instead, I thought of things that had gone well, today. Things that I had liked, noticed.... Things that I might want to write about later.___

_I wouldn't let myself dwell on the fact that Bryce had just gotten me drunk with him and tried to get me to... whatever he was trying to do. I wouldn't think about it. Everything he did, he did for a reason. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe he thought he was rewarding me for drinking with him. I wasn't sure....___

_I hadn't wanted any of that to happen, though.___

_As I sunk into my bed later that night, I made a decision. It was assumed that I was going to Harvard to study and be with Bryce. ___

_So tomorrow, I was responding to my acceptance letter to my dream school--NYU.___

I was so glad that I had ran into him on some random street in one of the busiest cities in the world. Where would I be now, if it weren't for him?

"Let's go swimming," I said suddenly.

He gave me a confused look. "What?"

I looked over at the ocean. "Maybe not _swimming_, but... let's go play in it."

He made me feel so... free.

He looked at me with amusement and then a mischievous look spread across his face.

Without a word, he stood up, still holding me, and started to walk to the water.

Hold on... what was he doing?

"Nick...." I started, which only made him grin more.

"You are not.... You wouldn't...."

"What, sweetheart?" he asked as he brought me closer to the water.

"Throw me in," I answered, completing my thought. He would not throw me in.

"Throw you in? Well... okay, I mean, since you told me to...."

My eyes widened as I realized how he had tricked me, twisting my words around.

He had waded in to his knees and was about to just toss me gently into the water, but I had a new idea in mind.

If I was going swimming, I was not going alone.

As he let go of me, I surprised him by grabbing on to his neck and pulling him down, both of us landing in the water.

We came up laughing and then ducked under the water again as a wave went by us.

"I... cannot believe...." he stuttered out, surprised that I had moved so fast to take him with me.

I glided through the water and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held me close.

"Believe it. Biting tongues is not the worst that I'm capable of doing," I teased, shaking my wet bangs out of my eyes.

"Apparently," he said with a grin, and then softly leaned in to kiss me. "I love you," he whispered softly between kisses.

"I love you," I whispered back against his lips.

I swear, this was probably the most perfect moment of my entire life. We were playing together in the Pacific ocean, just Nick and me. The sun was setting, the water was freezing, and my heart was racing, more alive and warm than ever.

After a few more moments of playing, we walked back across the beach, dripping wet and shivering against the cool night breeze.

Nick held me close. He wrapped me in one of the soaking wet light sweaters he had been wearing, and then tried to provide some body warmth as well, which I definitely did not mind. I felt so safe in his arms....

As we got back to our hotel, ignoring the curious looks of the people around us, Nick turned to me suddenly.

"Chloe, you have to promise me something."

I was surprised, but I nodded, very unsure about where this was going.

"Okay... what is it?" I answered, holding on to his hands.

"Please don't tell Alice we went swimming in the ocean in our new clothes. 'Cause I'm pretty sure her look alone would kill us," he said seriously.

Through my laughter, I managed to gasp out, "Kay, I promise...."

I was pretty sure that I was falling for him. I was falling deep and hard and...

When I told him I loved him, it was nothing but truth.

**Author's Note: Pretty crazy, right? This one was written by my Chloe expert, my beta, Lucy! She writes Chloe pretty freaking well, eh? III think so. That also gave you guys a better look on Bryce too. Prick... Leave a review!**

**Have a great day/night!**


	5. Jasper Meets Nick

**Author's Note: Hello world of fanfiction. :). I hope you're all doing well this weekend (or week? lol). I have some news for you all. There will be no Forgotten Hope update this weekend because of certain circumstances that I cannot discuss or I might have to send Greg over and kill you, ;). We're making the chapter perfect for posting. **

**So, instead, this weekend we will be posting outtakes. It will be either 2 or 3 and this is the first one. I went by the votes on my profile for what outtake POV you wanted next and you said Jasper, of course. Here is your first outtake: **_**Jasper meets Nick!**_

_JPOV_

I quietly pulled a shirt over my head, getting ready for school. I was starting to like school.

Well, maybe not like school. I was becoming content with attending school though. It was better than being at home.

I used to love coming home from school and watching TV and wrestling with Steve. Mom would always cook us dinner and we'd eat as a family. I was happy, even without Daddy around anymore. He never called and he never came back-- just like mom said he wouldn't.

I always hoped he would though.

I really hoped so now, too. Once Mom was gone, Steve had changed. He had started getting really angry and mean all the time.

And he drank a lot. He had never done that before. I thought maybe it was because he was sad that Mom was gone... he had been sad for a long time. I was sad too.

I tiptoed out of my room and headed toward the kitchen. It was too early for Steve to be up. He had been out late last night. I didn't want to wake him up though. He got really mad when he was woken up early. I didn't want him to hit me today....

I turned the coffee pot on and made it so that Steve could have some when he woke up. It made him feel better in the mornings.

I then grabbed an apple out of the fridge. I didn't pack a lunch for school because I knew he would notice the food missing. He always noticed.

Once the coffee was ready in the pot, I crept into the living room where Steve was lying on the couch and scribbled a note in my messy handwriting that there was coffee in the kitchen and that I was at school.

Then I was off to school. I slung my heavy backpack over my shoulder and put my hood up, ready for the rain. I had seen out of the window that it was pouring outside. The moment I was out the door, a chill ran through my body as the icy rain started to fall on me.

I sighed softly and crossed my arms tightly across my chest as I braced myself and began to walk through the cold rainstorm towards school. School wasn't too far from my house though, which was good. It only took me ten minutes to get there.

I was dripping wet as I opened the front door of the school and entered it. The crowds of kids made me stiffen and the giggling and yelling only made things worse.

I've been thinking lately that something's wrong with me now. I was always so scared... and anxious. Loud noises bothered me and I always had this dark feeling inside of me. I was probably losing my sanity at the age of eleven. That was how crazy I was. Crazy, stupid, and a disappointment. That was what Steve always said anyway. I was probably going to just drop out and end up with nothing. I was already losing it. I couldn't be around a lot of people without feeling uneasy. I couldn't smile much anymore either. I used to smile a lot when Mom was around, but now I was always so sad.

I wasn't a regular kid anymore. I was messed up. Troubled.... I had behavior problems now. That's what the teachers called it. They made me talk to the school counselor because they thought I had lost it too. They were right....

Slowly, I walked to my locker, dragging my wet feet across the hallway floor. Once I got to my locker I shoved my backpack in it and peeled my wet sweater off. I hoped my stuff hadn't gotten too wet in my backpack. I cringed as I opened it, seeing that my papers were a little soggy. Crap.  
I pulled them and everything else I needed for my class out of the bag before shoving it back into my locker. I had such great luck these days. Everything always had to go wrong.

I quickly walked over to my class, hoping I wasn't late. My teacher gave me a wary look when I walked in soaking wet, but luckily, I wasn't late.

"Jasper..." Mrs. Anderson paused, looking me up and down before shaking her head. She didn't continue though.

"Sorry," I whispered as I placed my damp homework on her desk and then headed towards my desk. It was the farthest desk from the front. The one in the back left corner. I had pushed it away from anyone else's. I didn't like to talk much... Steve said I shouldn't talk a lot. It hurt his head and it was annoying and very disrespectful. Mom always told me to be respectful.

I sat silently in my desk as everyone else came in with their friends, smiling. I ducked my head down and looked at the paper on my desk blankly, trying to push myself out of the noise around me.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, class began and the teacher silenced everyone. I looked up as she cleared her throat for our attention. Always respect your elders.

"Class, today we have a new student who just transferred here. This is Nicholas Graham. So everyone welcome him and help him out if he needs anything." The teacher smiled warmly at the new boy. He was about my age... well, obviously, 'cause he was in my class....

"You can call me Nick," the boy stated politely to the teacher and the rest of the class.

I was about to lose all attention of what was going on until his brown eyes landed on me. They didn't move away like anyone else's would have though. He tilted his head slightly to the side and his eyes looked closely over me. I slouched down in the chair, trying to avoid anyone's gaze. It was uncomfortable.

"Well then, Nick, why don't you go sit over there?" Mrs. Anderson said to the boy, getting his attention back. She pointed to a desk near the front of the room and I watched Nick frown.

"Could I sit there?" he asked her hesitantly, pointing to the desk beside mine.

_Please say no_. My mind begged of the teacher. I had a bad feeling he was going to try to talk to me. What if he even wanted to be my friend? He couldn't be my friend. No one could. I was crazy. And it was too dangerous. What if he came over and then Steve got angry? He might get hurt or he might tell people and I would get in big trouble. I couldn't have friends....

No one would want to be my friend anyways.

The teacher nodded at the new boy, giving permission for him to sit at the desk beside mine. The boy--Nick--shot the teacher a grateful grin and walked quickly over to the desk.

"Hi," he whispered to me.

"Hi," I mumbled back and then ducked my head. Maybe he would get the hint.

"I'm Nick," he informed me, apparently ignoring the fact that I was trying to disappear. I just nodded stiffly, picking my head up to look at the teacher, who was beginning to talk.

"What's your name?" Nick continued. This kid couldn't take a hint, could he? Either that or he just didn't care.

"Jasper," I replied keeping my eyes glued to the teacher. I was hoping I wasn't going to get in trouble for talking. I could not get in trouble because if the school called Steve I would be in even bigger trouble at home.

"Jasper? That's a cool name," Nick told me with a wide grin before finally turning away to look at the teacher.

The rest of the morning continued this way. Nick would point out random things or ask me questions. When he wasn't talking he kept looking at me.

Why was he talking to me? There were plenty of other people in this room that he could talk to. I almost shouted out a thank you when our teacher dismissed us for lunch.

I practically ran out of the room and to the cafeteria. I had no lunch, but I still had to be in there. I found the farthest table. It was still empty because I had gotten here so fast. I flipped my binder open that I had brought from class and concentrated on it. No one would bother me. No one talked to me here. I knew it was because I was quiet and weird... it was better this way.

"Hey! Can I sit with you?" I heard someone say, but ignored it, knowing they weren't talking to me. I picked up my pencil and began to answer one of the homework questions on the page.

After a second, though, I felt something come in contact with my shoulder and quickly recoiled, putting my hands up defensively. Fear rushed through me and I felt my heart stop beating. Who was behind me?

I had to take a few deep breaths to recover once I noticed that it was only the new boy.

"Oh... sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," Nick said sadly, his eyes full of apologies.

My body relaxed. He wasn't going to hurt me. His eyes told the truth, I could tell. "I was just wondering if I could sit with you? I don't really know anyone here...." His voice trailed off and there was a broken sound to his voice.

"Okay," I said before I could process what that meant. Great. But I couldn't say no. He looked upset.

Nick smiled and sat on the chair beside me. I watched him open his backpack and pull out a lunch. His eyes trailed to me as he did so though.

"Where's your lunch?" he asked me, puzzled.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm not really hungry."

Nick's eyes narrowed as if the words were foreign to him, but he let it go. He began to pull things out of his lunch bag and I quickly looked away, knowing the sight of food would make me even hungrier. Obviously I had lied. I was hungry. All I had eaten today was an apple.

I went back to my homework, finishing the answer I had previously started to write. I was able to finish a few questions before Nick began to talk again.

"Do you want half of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I made it myself," Nick offered, reaching over to hand me half of a piece of a sandwich.

I blinked at his kindness. He was giving me part of his lunch?

"Thanks," I said quietly, accepting the piece of the sandwich and taking a small bite of it. My eyes fluttered shut. I loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I hadn't had one in a long time....

"You can have my orange too if you want. I don't really want it. I like my chips better. I just brought it because my--" Nick's words stopped as if they were caught in his throat and his eyes grew and stared blankly down at the orange. "My mom said I should always have fruit with my lunch...." he whispered, gently putting the orange beside my binder.

Nick was silent, picking at the edges of his sandwich. He had gone from happy to sad so fast.

I chewed slowly on the sandwich, suddenly feeling very concerned for this kid that I hardly knew. I closed my binder and put the rest of the piece of the sandwich on top of it.

I cleared my throat nervously and Nick's head popped up. His eyes were a bit red. Was he crying? Oh....

"So, why'd you change schools, Nick?" I asked with a weak smile, trying to bring him back to the good mood he had been in earlier.

Nick sniffed quietly. "Umm... I was in a different school, but I had to move to my grandpa's and my school is far away from my grandpa's. This school's closer. My grandpa lives around the corner from here so they put me in here," Nick explained, opening his bag of chips, still not looking very happy.

I nodded, understanding, and took another bite of the sandwich. I wasn't really sure what else to say. I wasn't used to talking to people anymore.

"Why did you move to your Grandpa's?" I asked him after I finally came up with another question.

That didn't seem like a good question though. Nick's eyes got sad again and I regretted asking.

"Never mind," I mumbled, turning in my seat so that I wasn't facing him anymore. I shouldn't bother trying to help him. I was just going to make things worse. I always made everything worse!

"No, it's okay," Nick said hurriedly with a sad smile. "I just... I had to move in with my grandpa because my parents died a few months ago."

I stopped chewing the piece of sandwich. His parents had died.

Flashbacks of the day my mom died started to fill my mind. My fists clenched so tightly that I could feel my fingernails ripping into the skin of my palm. I squeezed my eyelids shut, trying to make the memories disappear. It made my heart hurt and I would start missing her again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered politely, keeping my eyes shut and ducking my head so I didn't look like a freak. Don't think of her. It'll only make everything worse.

"It's okay," I heard Nick mumbled. There was silence for a few minutes before I was finally able to open my eyes and face reality again. It was hard sometimes not thinking about my mom, but I knew it would only lead to tears and tears got me nowhere. All it got me was Steve yelling at me or hitting me and I didn't want that.

"My mom died too," I told him then my jaw dropped in shock. Did I really just tell him that? I had never talked to anyone about that before. I looked up at him with wide eyes, hoping he wouldn't be mad at me. People didn't want to hear about my problems....

Nick's brown eyes softened though. I hadn't seen someone look at me like that in a long time. My mom always looked at me like that. No one else did. But here was this new kid, looking at me like he was actually apologetic... like he actually cared if I was okay.

"I'm sorry," he apologized and once again I felt his hand on my shoulder. This time I didn't flinch away. I had seen it coming and I didn't move away. It brought me a comforted feeling. A good feeling... something I hadn't felt in a while. Lately, I had only been feeling sadness, or loneliness, or pain... I liked this new feeling.

I cracked a small smile at Nick. "Don't worry about it," I assured him with a nonchalant shrug. I'd be okay. I was always okay.

I began to eat my sandwich again as Nick withdrew his hand from my shoulder and began to eat as well.

A minute later, Nick slapped the table, causing a loud echo to shoot through the lunchroom. I took a deep breath, getting a hold of myself from the surprise of the loud noise.

"You know what? We should play football. It always makes me feel better!" Nick announced with a bright smile, starting to pack his lunch back up.

Play a game? The words seemed almost foreign to me. It was like I had forgotten about playing. I used to always play football with Steve... and before that I had always played it with my daddy. He was the best football player, ever. He could be famous.

Nick hesitated when I didn't look as eager as he was. "Oh," he murmured, looking down. "Only if you want to?" he questioned me politely, wringing his hands nervously. He was sad again. It hurt my heart. Why did it hurt? I didn't even know him....

It was because he cared about me. It seemed like no one cared about me, but he did. I didn't want to make him sad. I liked when he was happy because it made me feel happy too....

"Okay. We can play." I smiled encouragingly at him, picking my binder up off of the lunch table and finishing the last bite of my sandwich.

Nick jumped out of his chair with the biggest grin I had ever seen in my life. "Awesome!" he exclaimed, grabbing his lunch bag in a hurry.

"Come on! I've got a football in my backpack!" he announced, starting to speed walk through the room. I jogged quickly after him, not being able to keep the smile off of my face. Nick's smile made me smile. I was going to have fun playing with Nick. I knew I would because I knew if he was having fun then I would be too.

There was something about him... something that connected us. Maybe it was because both of us had lost our mommies and daddies. I didn't know.

I knew I shouldn't want to be his friend, but I didn't care. I just wouldn't let him come to my house. I wouldn't tell him about Steve. It would be okay. I just... I wanted to be Nick's friend. I wanted him to be my best friend.

**Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed part 1 of no Forgotten Hope update this weekend, lol! Leave a review because everyone loves to get reviews. **

**I'll give you guys a heads up. The next outtake to be posted this weekend will be a Mack one because he was the other most voted person for the next outtake. Haha, I see some of you love our adorable, dimpled friend from Forks. One last thing though, if we happen to post a third outtake this week (no promise, but maybe!) who would **_**you**_** like it to be about? Tell us in your review!**

**Have a great day/night! :)**


	6. Mack & Katie's Anniversary

___**Author's Note: Hey everyone. Here is your second outtake for the no forgotten hope update weekend ;). Enjoy! **_

___**P.S. Loving the ideas you guys have given so far for outtakes. **_

_MPOV_

_*Takes place in "Forgotten Hope time"*_

Rain. Katie always loved rain. She liked to spin in it.

I suspected that Alice did, too. Another way that she reminded me of Katie.

I was lying in my bed now, listening to the rain dancing on the roof. It had been raining for hours and I had been hearing it and remembering.

Remembering made things hurt. Especially so late at night. The darkness tended to creep into me, infecting any happy thoughts I managed to have.

Usually, I kept myself so busy during the day that at night, I would fall right asleep. But sometimes I had these nights. My bad nights.

Tomorrow--well, technically today--is...was...is (?) Katie and my anniversary. Could I still say 'is'? The anniversary didn't die.... I wasn't sure.

I also wasn't sure about whether I'd make it through today without using anything to numb the feelings that were bouncing around inside my brain.

God, did I miss my Katie.

Happy memories of her had slowly transformed themselves into the ones that haunted me. I had started comparing how she laughed to how she had screamed. I thought of how she had cried when holding her sick dog as the vet put it to sleep. And then thought of how I had cried when I held her after those... people, if you could call them that, had just about killed her.

The blood-- the screams-- the pain....

I wanted pot and I wanted pills and I wanted to be wasted and not thinking and not feeling and only seeing her.

When I was gone like that, on pills or high or whatever, I could see her so clearly. I could feel her, like she was in the room too. She was there to protect me and spend time with me and love me. She was always glowing and always happy and always just... Katie.

But 'sober' me knew better. 'Sober' me knew that Katie would've hated seeing me so messed up. So lost.

We were never lost. After she died, I learned that the only reason why we were never lost was because any time we got close to it, we'd find each other.

I reached over with shaking hands and grabbed the picture of her off of my bedside table. I clutched it to my chest and hugged her, my face wet as I squeezed my eyes with the effort of holding her picture.

"Katie...." I whispered into the darkness, my mind racing now. I loved the sound of her name.

All I could see was images from that night. I could see them and hear them and feel them and I didn't want to. I didn't want to see that shit anymore.

Pills.

Pills would put me to sleep. Or wake me up enough to control the flashes in my head. Depended on what kind of pills I took....

I breathed in and out, fighting the urge to leave now in search of them. I didn't keep them in the apartment because of times like these. I'd have to leave. And it was raining. But maybe I could spin....

There were many different ways to spin....

No pills.

I rolled out of bed and to the floor. On my stomach, I reached under the bed and pulled out a box. The rain clapped against the roof now, as if urging me on.

I took what I needed from the box and then got back into my bed, hiding under my covers with my picture. Trembling, tears still streaking my face, I clung to my new escape.

Katie's teddy bear.

When I hugged it tightly and breathed it in, it smelled like her, I swear. And it was soft and friendly and warm and I could pretend that she was right here. That I was holding her, not her picture. That I was hugging her, and not her teddy.

She had loved this teddy pretty much since the day she was born. It was the one thing from her childhood that she had kept around... as we got older, she had been embarrassed about how silly it was to still have a bear when you were about to graduate high school. But I always thought it was cute. It was just like her to keep her teddy bear.

Hugging it made me feel closer to her as I thought of all the times she had hugged it, just like I was doing right now.

Granted, she hadn't been hugging it to protect her from using drugs... but maybe to protect her from closet monsters, or nightmares, or the dark.

The dark.

It was this bear's purpose to protect both Katie and me from the dark. The dark would not win.

I curled myself in a ball, still shaking, and inhaled the soft fur of the bear. Around its neck was the necklace I had bought for her... the one that those pieces of shit had taken from her the night she had died. I had gotten it back... they'd had to die for it, but I had gotten it back....

The necklace was cold against my skin as it pressed into me. I hugged the bear close, thinking of her sleeping with this bear. Of her sleeping next to me. Of her laugh....

Sleep was good to me for about an hour, but I woke up screaming and clutching that bear like my life depended on it. Which it might have.

I thought about calling Alice to help calm me down, but she had her own problems. And she couldn't remember me, anyway. She was nice to me... wanted to be friends... and I think she saw that same good in me, now. But I couldn't burden her with this. Friends didn't do that to friends.

I was afraid to call my family because I didn't want them to think I was still as unstable as I was before. Even though I might be.

Had my body even stopped shaking while I slept?

I fumbled with the buttons of my phone and called Greg as I stumbled to the bathroom with Katie's bear in one hand and the phone in the other.

"What?" he answered.

"I think I'm losing it, man...." I whispered, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. Why were my eyes so pink? I hadn't smoked. Was that from being tired? Stressed? Crying?

"Well yeah, you're losing it. When's the last time you let yourself relax?" he demanded.  
I shook my head. "I want to be good again. I don't want to relax that way... I don't want to be weak anymore...." I admitted in a whisper, knowing what he meant by "relax."

"It's not being weak. You're a fucking dumbass, Mack. Drugs are just to relax you, they aren't your enemy. You're a pussy if you can't even smoke some pot to chill out," he hissed.

I watched myself wince in the mirror and then turned away from it, leaning against the sink. "It's our anniversary. I-I don't--" I started.

"No--"

"need--"

"No, just listen to me! This would have been your anniversary with her and I don't want you doing anything stupid, all right? Just get a little buzzed so I don't worry." His voice softened a bit now, but not by much.

"Maybe... God, I don't know what to do Greg...." I choked out, squeezing her bear to me now.

"You know what to do. Go numb for a bit. Don't call me again 'til you're in your right mind," he said, and then the line clicked.

I took a huge breath and walked from the bathroom to the living room, wandering around my apartment, trying to figure out what to do.

What could I do?

I set her bear on the couch lightly, propped against a pillow. And then I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

At least beer was legal. Sort of. Not for me quite yet, but in general....

I chugged one, and then went outside for a smoke.

It was still raining, but somehow it helped me calm down and wake up a bit.

My fingers gradually stopped shaking so much as the cigarette got smaller. By the time I finished it, my hands were still again.

I took in a fresh breath and held it in my lungs, loving the feeling of the rain-flavored air in my lungs. I let it out slowly, and then I spun around, letting my arms wave free.

I looked up and smiled at her. "Happy anniversary, Katie. I love you," I whispered.

Retreating inside, feeling refreshed, I curled up on the couch. Her bear was wrapped in my one arm and her picture was in my other.

"Night, Katie...." I mumbled, finally drifting into sleep.

**Author's Note: Sadness... I hope you guys enjoyed it. This outtake was written by my beta, Lucy Alyce. Leave her some love xD**

**Hope you all are having a good day/night! **


	7. Chance at Happiness

___**Author's Note: Hey Everyone! In honour of Chloe's birthday we decided to upload a CPOV for you guys. Happy Birthday Chloe! Enjoy. **_

_CPOV_

"I know, Bryce. I'm sorry, I promise. I hadn't noticed my phone's battery was getting so low..." I paused, uncertain if he was okay with me talking. He hadn't exactly been done speaking. I just wanted to make sure he knew that I had sincerely forgotten that the battery was so low on my cell phone. I had forgotten to charge it and it had been dead this morning when he had tried to call me.

One major thing I knew about Bryce was that he did _not_ like it when he couldn't get in contact with me. He hadn't been thrilled with my decision to move to New York while he was either at Harvard or back home. His plan had been for me to go wherever he went. With me being so far away from him, he got anxious. He liked to speak with me every day. I knew that. I should have doubled checked my phone to make sure it was charged. I guess I was kind of careless sometimes...

"Yeah, sure. Just don't fucking do it again, Chloe. Pay more attention," he told me firmly. I winced at his cursing. He only cursed when he was really upset. I was in trouble. I knew even if he said he was letting it go, it would come back at me when I saw him or the next time I did something wrong. I tended to do things wrong a lot of the time, according to him.

"Okay. I won't. I'll start charging it more often," I promised him, stopping to sit on a bench on the side of the street.

My legs were feeling a bit wobbly from the sound of his voice. I got shaky like that sometimes when I was talking to him. I got really overwhelmed when Bryce got upset. I just tried so hard to make him happy and hated to disappoint him. Sometimes it felt hopeless, though. I didn't know if I could ever please him fully. It seemed like every two minutes I was doing something else wrong.

"You'd better," he grumbled. "I have to go though. I'm going out with some of the guys. I'll be calling you tonight though. Have your damn cell charged this time, if that's not too much to ask."

I could hear the hardness in his voice. It sent a chill down my spine just thinking about what his face looked right now. His grey eyes were probably boiling with anger. His knuckles were probably white from gripping the phone as he spoke to me. I bit my lip between my teeth, pushing the images out of my mind. I was all the way out in New York. He couldn't hurt me.

He didn't ever hurt me...

Well... not really. When I did something wrong he usually just yelled. A lot. Sometimes he got carried away, but I knew that wasn't his fault. He was only trying to teach me to be a better person, a better me. There was always room for improvement. I would accept it. I wanted to be better. I wanted to be good enough for him.

That was... how things were for everyone... right?

I was lucky to have Bryce... really. I knew sometimes he made me shaky and scared... upset and frustrated. But I knew that with every relationship came flaws and barriers that would have to be overcome. Bryce was just trying to help me do that.

He really was an amazing guy. He was smart. He was practically a shoe in for Harvard. His parents were pretty high up in society. My parents really liked that. They wanted a guy with a good family for me. They were actually the ones who introduced me to Bryce.

My parents had met Bryce's parents at a get together. Bryce was single and so was I and our parents thought it was a perfect opportunity. When I first heard about it, I was nervous. Obviously, I had never met Bryce before. I hadn't even heard of him before, but my parents wanted me to go out on a date with him. They told me he was great and that they had met him before. My dad really liked him, so I figured he must be a good guy...

A few days later, Bryce was at my door with a bouquet of flowers in hand. The smile he first gave me was so sweet I almost melted at the sight of it. He was a good looking guy. And polite, too. Our first date was amazing. He was so sweet to me, being a gentlemen and respecting me. He asked me tons of questions about my future and what I liked and didn't like. I was practically smitten over him on the first date.

After that day, we were officially a couple. Things started to change after a few months, though... Sure, Bryce was still great, smart, and could charm his way into anything, but he acted differently towards me. He was more demanding, in ways. I knew he was the man and he should be the dominant one in the relationship. That was how it should be, right? That's how my parents were, anyways. My dad made the important decisions and my mom stood by him loyally like she should. That's what I did for Bryce.

Sometimes I just didn't know if it was right though... I knew that the books I read weren't real relationships. They were someone writing a story. Fiction. The books were not real. But in those books, the characters had something I didn't. They felt things I didn't. Their relationships were so different. The couples were more... equal.

I knew it was probably just me being foolish and wanting something that wasn't real. I was being selfish. I had a boyfriend who would provide me with a good future. We would have a family and both have great jobs. Our parents would be overjoyed with our marriage and their grandchildren. I would be content. My life would be good.

I had a nagging feeling that I would never get more than content, though. I wouldn't have the head over heels love that I read about or the happiness that made people want to whistle when they worked. Maybe I was hard to please or I was expecting too much. I was being unrealistic. Maybe there wasn't a real happily ever after?

I was more fortunate than others. I had a boyfriend who cared for me. That's why he always called. He wanted to make sure I was okay.

"All right. Have fun with your friends. I'll talk to you tonight." I frowned though, wondering if he was going to go out drinking with his friends. Ever since he started going to Harvard, he had been drinking a lot. The past few times when we had visited with each other, he had made me drink with him. I didn't like it... and I didn't enjoy it when he called when he was drunk. He got mad a lot more easily.

"Oh, I will definitely have fun, Chlo," he said in a low voice. "When I get home we'll both have even more fun. Just because we're in different places doesn't mean we can't do things over the phone."

He chuckled mischievously, I guess thinking about our phone call...

"Looking forward to it," I replied automatically, trying to sound as earnest as possible. I didn't want him to think I wasn't looking forward to it. Even if I kind of wasn't...

"I bet you are, babe. But I got to go. I love you."

That was another thing that bothered me sometimes. I didn't get goosebumps or butterflies in my stomach when he said those three words. Maybe something was wrong with me or I was just absurd and believed in things that were surreal.

"I love you, too," I replied with a smile. It was true. I loved him for putting up with me. I had flaws. So many flaws. And he put up with every single one of them.

I got up from the street bench. My legs weren't wobbly anymore. I started walking back down the street, waiting for Bryce to end the phone call. He was being oddly silent after my 'I love you'.

"How much do you love me?" he asked me slowly, an edge to his voice that made me tense. Did I do something wrong?

I thought he had to go?

I was afraid that this was a trick question and chewed on my bottom lip nervously, thinking it through.

"You know what? Never fucking mind. You have to think about how much you love me? All I do for you Chlo and I ask you one simple question and you can't even answer it for me," he growled at me viciously.

"N-no, Bryce. I was going to answer. I love you more than anything. I swear. I have no idea what I'd do without you. I love you so much," I pleaded with him, stopping in my tracks, not even feeling all of the people shoving by me through the crazy crowds of New York.

"Right. I'll talk to you later, Chlo." It almost sounded like a threat. It shouldn't have, but it did. With that, he hung up his phone and I heard the line disconnect. That was proof enough that I messed up almost every two minutes. I couldn't even answer a question!

I sighed sadly, blinking away the irrational tears that were threatening to fall. It all felt so hopeless.

After putting my phone back in my pocket, I ducked my head, beginning to face the crowds again as I walked toward work, my heart heavy. At this rate, I was going to be late. I quickened my pace, not wanting to disappoint another person today by being late for work. It was a small book store... there weren't too many other employees working there.

I kept my head down, not wanting anyone to see my teary eyes. I was being a child. An irrational, selfish child. That was what I always was.

I picked up my pace even more, just wanting to get to work and get my mind off of Bryce and life.

After a moment, I looked up, though. I knew I shouldn't be looking down at the ground when walking through these kind of crowds. I was likely to get hit. And just as that thought crossed my mind, sure enough, I collided with a body.

I was too caught off guard by the coincidence that I couldn't catch myself and I saw myself falling towards the street. The street full of cars zooming by.

I took a breath and shut my eyes, bracing myself for an impact. But suddenly, there was a pair of arms pulling me tightly, and then I was crushed to someone's chest. My mind was spinning. Through my panic though, I couldn't help but smell something amazing. I took a deep breath and smelled it again. So warm... comforting.

I opened my eyes, seeing myself being let go by the stranger who had just saved my life. When I saw his face though, I realized it was actually the same guy who had pushed me into the traffic.

My eyes slowly drifted up to his eyes and I froze. They were a soft, light brown shade. They were sparkling, but burning with concern.

"I—He—I-I'm sorry..." the stranger rambled apologetically, holding my arm a bit too tightly. He seemed to realize his grip, because he suddenly let go and started to brush my sleeve. I looked down quickly, hoping that something wasn't on my shirt. That would have looked really bad. Bryce hated it when I let myself get dirty.

There was nothing on my sleeve though. He was just brushing it. The light touch of his fingertips sent a chill down my spine. It was different than earlier, though. It was a good chill. I felt goosebumps on my arm and almost gasped out loud. I had goosebumps.

I heard a quiet chuckle and looked away from my arm. There was another boy with shaggy, curly blonde hair. He looked around my age, too. He also looked completely amused by the situation. Was I missing something or was it usually funny to almost kill someone? I knew that wasn't the reason though, because behind the amusement, I saw the same concern that was in the brown eyed stranger's eyes.

"It's fine. You might have just saved my life. New York traffic is crazy, you know..." I chuckled quietly, nervously smoothing out my shirt. That made the boy's hand fall off of my arm and the warmth that had filled my body suddenly started to fade. I almost panicked.

"I'm Chloe, by the way," I added on smoothly, trying to get my mind off of his touch and my goosebumps. I could at least be polite. Technically, he had saved my life.

The boy stared at me silently, his eyes locked on my face intently. Did I have something on my face?

I pretended I didn't notice as I looked at the boy. I had only noticed his eyes before. Now I looked closer.

He had a baseball cap pulled down low on his head. It was lower than I usually saw people wearing them. He had brown hair that swept over his eyebrows, to the left. It was shaggy like the other boy's, but straight instead of curled.

I squinted my eyes when I saw the sun glint off of something on his face. There was a deep scar over his eyebrow. It was small and I only noticed it because I was looking so closely. I scanned down his face and saw another on his chin. My curiosity spiked and I suddenly had the urge to ask him how he got them. I wanted to hear their stories.

I shook my head, looking down. That wasn't a very nice thing to ask someone. It could sound cold and weird. I was so curious about things that had obviously hurt him.

My head was down and I saw the boy behind the brown eyed boy kick him gently, getting his attention.

"Huh? Oh! Chloe... I'm Nick." He struggled over his words when I looked up at him. He had the biggest smile on his face though, and something odd happened. The surreal things I had been hoping for before sort of... came to life?

My heart pounded against my chest and my stomach tightened nervously. It felt a bit sick... it was the butterflies. It was _good_ sick, in a way. The goosebumps were all over my body again. How is it possible that one smile from this stranger could do all that to me? Was I dreaming?

The boy offered me his hand politely, keeping his sparkling brown eyes on mine. Desire took over me at the thought of him touching me again and I reached out without a thought and shook his hand, returning his wide smile.

"I apologize for that. My friend here has some anger problems and he takes it out on me," the stranger, Nick, told me teasingly, giving his friend a hard look.

His friend shoved him lightly the side, rolling his eyes. They were both obviously just kidding around. They looked really close. It made me smile. For some reason, I was really glad he had a good friend that he could joke around with. I didn't have one of those. It looked... nice.

"Yes, I am very sorry. I have a raging temper. I have to take it out on someone," his friend apologized, giving me a crooked smile. I was almost dazzled by his smile as well. Definitely not as much as Nick's, but he had a nice smile too.

I laughed and decided to play along with their little game.

"Aww, you poor thing," I cooed gently to Nick, pretending to feel bad that he was getting beaten up by his friend. I reached out and stroked his arm with care. Okay, maybe it was an excuse to feel the electric feeling that surged through me at his touch and brought up my goosebumps.

Nick's cheek turned a light shade of red with my teasing and he ducked his head, probably trying to hide his blush. Was he blushing because of me? Hope soared in my mind at that thought. Did he like me? I wanted him to so badly...

_Chloe, you a have boyfriend. Remember Bryce? _A voice in the back of my head reminded me.

Oh... right. Well, it wasn't like I was going to date the guy or have an affair... And technically, Bryce wasn't my boyfriend right now. We were on a break since we had moved to different places. It was his idea... and I knew for a fact that he looked at other girls because he liked to compare me to them. I was just looking at Nick. It was okay.

"I know, but what can I do? He has to take it out on _someone,_" Nick mumbled softly, sounding completely vulnerable. I wanted to hug him, even though I knew it was all a game.

His friend scoffed at his vulnerable state. "It toughens him up," his friend assured me with a smirk.

He reached out to hit Nick and I slapped his hand playfully away. And then I panicked for a moment. What was that? I was being so open with them. I usually shied away from this kind of thing.

"I think he is tough enough for now," I managed to laugh, happy that I was able to smile and joke around. I didn't really have any friends here and it felt good to tease. I know, pretty pathetic, no real friends...

"Now, what can I do to make you feel better, you poor thing?" I found myself, well, maybe flirting? This had to be a dream. I would never flirt with a random guy. I would never flirt with any guy really... other than Bryce. This flirting seemed so much more carefree than the flirting with Bryce.

I hadn't noticed until now, but I was stroking Nick's arm again. My hand had a weird connection with his bicep. It was so muscular. Not abnormally big, like with body builders, but bigger than average guys. It was impressive. I liked the feeling of it. So smooth and hard...

"_Well_," Nick started, flashing me a stunning grin. "Maybe... if it's not too much, I mean... I could have your number? You know, just in case he loses it one day and I need someone to take me to the hospital," he suggested nervously, peering down at me. His eyes were hesitant and his cheeks were on fire. I could feel my own cheeks heating up at his suggestion. He was asking for my number.

I laughed at his reasoning for getting my number and nodded, "Oh, well if it's a life or death kind of situation, then I'd better give you it, eh?" I played along with the game and knelt to the ground to get a pen and paper out of my bag. It surprised me when Nick knelt down beside me, keeping his eyes on me with a smile. I bit back a smile as I dug through my bag. He liked me. I could see it... I could feel it. How was it possible?

I was definitely having a dream. I must have fallen asleep reading one of my books and now I was one of the characters, finding her true love.

True love?

I shook myself out of my thoughts and quickly scribbled down my number when I found a paper and pen, handing it to him. "There you are," I smiled. It was such a weird feeling. I had never really given my number out to a guy before. Bryce would hate it if he found out. Fear rushed through me and I found myself peering over my shoulder, stupidly wondering if he was around. He was in a totally different city.

I stood up, slipping my backpack back on. Nick followed.

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver," Nick chuckled, slipping my number into his pocket. I wondered if he would call. I hoped so...

"I guess I sort of owe you, right?" I reminded him, pointing towards the road. He had saved my life only minutes before.

Nick laughed at that. It was such a carefree laugh. It was mesmerizing. I watched him laugh. I probably looked like a freak, swooning at watching a total stranger laugh. It made my insides melt, though. I liked him.

_Bryce! Chloe, think about Bryce. You have no chance with this guy because you already have someone. Leave before you do something stupid._

I hated that voice in the back of my head. I knew it was right, though. I don't even know why I gave him my number. I wouldn't be able to go out with him...

"I'd better go though. Gotta get to work," I said sadly, hating the idea of leaving, but knowing it was the right thing to do. I was already running late. I had already done something stupid. I didn't even know this guy and I gave him my number.

When I saw Nick's smile fade at my words, it made all those doubts about giving him my number disappear. He didn't want me to go, either.

"'Kay, see you later," he murmured quietly, looking at me in a longing way.

I gave him a big smile, hoping it'd make him feel better. It made _me _feel better. Maybe he'd call.

"Be nice!" I shouted to his friend as I turned to leave, sending him a playful wink. He laughed, but nodded.

I could feel Nick's eyes burning into my back as I walked away. There was an odd skip in my step that I had never had before. I liked it. It was... happiness.

Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe I wasn't doomed to a lifetime of contentment. Maybe I had found happiness... it wasn't impossible for me, after all.

If he called.

**Author's Note: There was Chloe's point of view when her and Nick met. Soooo glad that they met. Did you guys like it? Hope so! Review! xD. **


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